Do You Hash – An Ode to Military Humor

If you have read some of my recent posts, you know that I have been writing about my experiences while attending the Logistics Executive Development Course at Fort Lee, Virginia.  While at Fort Lee, Virginia.  If you have read about my exploits at Fort Lee, Virginia, you no doubt read about my dealings with the commanding general.  For example, the commanding general’s invitational deer hunt that I managed to get invited to participate in, as a swamp dog.  Yay.  Or about how the commanding general wrongly promoted and then demoted me in the same week.  Double yay.  But not all of my dealings with the general were negative.  We had a love-hate relationship.  I loved to hate him.  But seriously, the old guy started to grow on me as time went on.  Fort Lee started to grow on me as time went on as well.  But all good things must come to an end and it was the same with the Logistics Executive Development Course.  My class had finally entered graduation week.  You may remember reading about the dining out that I talked about.  Well, I mostly talked about stains in that post.  You know.  Food stains.  Not the kind caused by food fights.  Cuz those are different kinds of stains.  You know.  Those kinds of stains are deliberately caused.  You may have read that the commanding general tried to con me  into taking a teaching job at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio.  No way no how.  There was no way in hell that I would sign up for a tour of duty in Ohio.  Cuz let’s face it Ohio is in the middle of nowhere.  As a result, I graduated from the Logistics Executive Development Course in due course, and my family and I headed for Fort Huachuca, Arizona. If you have been reading about my adventures after moving to Arizona, you found out what happened when I initially signed in at Fort Huachuca, Arizona.  What I didn’t tell you previously was that I had been assigned to the Joint Interoperability Test Center (JITC) at Fort Huachuca.  JITC is a subordinate command of the Defense Information Systems Agency.  You may even have read about an interesting situation with a temporary guard.  In that same post, I also talked about securing housing for my family.  Well, in my most recent post, I talked about securing post housing and how spiders rained from the ceilings.  Oh yeah.  That was quite entertaining.  Not.  In my most recent post, I switched gears to talk about some of my volunteer work on Fort Huachuca.  Oh yeah.  I was volunteered by my unit to be a tax officer to help soldiers and their families prepare their taxes.  Yay.  I discussed how I helped my Master Gunnery Sergeant and his dependapotamus spouse prepare their taxes.  You may recall, if you read that post, that his spouse ran a Tupperware business out of his house.  So far, I have not mentioned where my new quarters were.  Oh, they were on post, all right.  We lived on a traffic circle of sorts.  It was really a huge half circle.  Well, really, it was a half oval.  But the Army can’t ever get anything straight so they called it a circle because it went around the loop.  There were three of those loops cascading down the hill from the hospital.  Ours was the third one down from the hospital.  We lived on Nelson circle.  And our quarters were on the furthest side of the loop away from the hospital.  Kitty corner across from my quarters lived a guy whose primary mode of transportation was a Harley Davidson motorcycle.  I didn’t really know the guy because he was never at home.  But I knew him enough to say hello whenever I did see him, which was usually on the weekends while he was polishing up his bike before he headed out on a ride.  That weekly polishing and ride routine was like a religion for him.  And I’m not sure what religion it was, but it sure didn’t seem like it was a religion.  Even if he did it every damn week without fail.  I don’t even know if the guy was married because I can’t say that I ever saw somebody of the female persuasion hanging around his quarters.  I always thought that was rather bizarre.  Oh well.  Maybe he was a CID guy.  Like I said, I didn’t really know him that well.  What I do know is that one day he had a visitor pull up to his quarters, while I was out in my driveway working on my wife’s car.  We had bought her Ford Tempo new just before we left Korea.  But that car was either a Monday car or a Friday car.  If you don’t know what a Monday car is, or a Friday car is, call yourself lucky.  Those are cars that complete the manufacturing process on a Monday or a Friday.  Either way, you absolutely do not want one of those cars.  Why?  Cuz those cars will give you nothing but consternation and pain and headaches galore.  As I said, my wife’s car was a Ford (fix or repair daily).  And believe me, her car earned its nickname.  No bout a doubt it.  Rather, no doubt about it.  You get the idea.  Anyway, as I was working on my wife’s car, the guy that was talking to my neighbor with the motorcycle came walking over to my driveway.  He struck up a conversation.  He said, “I know you from somewhere.  Have you ever been to Germany?  I looked at him and said, “I can’t say that I have.”  “Do you Hash?”  “Listen, pal, I don’t do any kind of drugs.  I don’t know you, but that right there is a helluva question to ask somebody.  Do you feel lucky?”  “What do you mean, do I feel lucky?”  “Well, a less tolerant person would blow your head clean off for asking a question like that.”  “No, no, no… I mean do you Hash as in the Hash House Harriers?”  “Oh, that kinda Hash.  You should have said so.  Yeah, I used to run in the Hash.  But not here.  I ran into Hash House Harrier chapters over in Korea.”  “That’s it.  That’s where I know you from.  You ran in the Yongsan Kimchi Hash House Harriers, didn’t you?”  “Yes.  As a matter of fact I did.”  “I did too.  I left the week before you got your Hash name.  If I remember correctly, you used to bring your kids to the Hash in Korea.”  “That’s also correct.  My daughter got her Hash name in Korea.”  Well then, the guy went on to explain that there was a local chapter of the Hash here in town.  And where it met and when it met.  I told them that he would probably see me out there at the next Hash.  Then he left and walked back over to his friend’s house without experiencing any exercises in futility.

by

by