Impulse Buying – An Ode to Military Humor

If you have been reading some of my recent posts, you are probably aware that I have been talking about some of my exploits and experiences after being assigned to the Joint Interoperability Test Center (JITC) at Fort Huachuca, Arizona.  I expect that series of stories to last for quite a while.  However, today I am going to talk about something out of sequence because it is on my mind.  I like to talk about topics when they are on my mind.  Why?  Cuz if I wait until later, I tend to forget those ideas and thoughts.  Hey, what can I say?  Shit happens.  Today, I am going to talk about impulse buying.  I noticed this peculiar shopping trend that occurs for some people but not for others.  Impulse buying can sometimes occur for all people.  But some people seem to be able to turn it off while others cannot.  What is impulse buying?  Simply stated, impulse buying is the buying of products without planning to do so in advance as a result of a sudden whim or impulse.  It is usually done without any prior intention.  It is usually spontaneous.  There are four types of impulse buying.  The first is pure impulse buying such as buying candy while you’re standing in line at the checkout.  The second is a self-suggestion based impulse purchase.  This is a product that you may run across while you’re in the store that you have never seen before and you convince yourself that you just absolutely have to have it.  You can’t think of a reason why, but you just have to have it.  As a result, you buy it.  The third type of impulse buying is reminder impulse buying.  The classic case of this example is where the shopper forgets to add an item to their shopping list.  When they see the item in the store, they remember they need the item so they buy it.  The last type of impulse buying is planned impulse buying.  Planned impulse buying occurs when a shopper walks into a store with a planned list of items to buy but sees deals on certain other items and decides that he or she must purchase those items as well.  Why do people make impulse purchases?  Well, one reason is to make people happy.  Another reason is because people think that they have spotted a bargain.  Hey, that right there is a good deal.  I just gotta have that.  That seems to be the logic or thought process of an impulse buyer.  Another reason might be to stockpile.  Cuz you just might need it someday.  You can never have enough.  We all learned that during the pandemic (stockpiling of all those offerings to the porcelain god).  There are other reasons.  But those seem to be the best reasons.  This really didn’t come to the forefront of my mind until the other day.  Here’s what happened.  I was riding around with my friend.  We weren’t really doing anything except riding around and shooting the shit.  He said, “Hey Wright, do you mind if I stop in at Harbor Freight?”  I replied, “No, why?  Do you need a tool or something?”  “No.  They are giving away a free flashlight this week with any purchase.  I want to stop in and get my free flashlight.”  So we stopped in and he bought a screwdriver and received his free flashlight.  Then, we went over to his house.  He opened the garage and walked to a stack of plastic storage bins.  There must have been four of them in the stack.  All of them filled with duct tape and flashlights and tape measures and that sort of stuff.  He opened the top one and threw in the flashlight that he had received free from Harbor Freight when he bought the screwdriver.  So I asked him what in the hell all of the shit was in those bins?  He said that it was all of the stuff that he got free from Harbor Freight.  So I said, “Let me see if I got this straight.  Every week you go to Harbor Freight and buy something so that you can get something free?”  He replied, “Yeah.  Pretty much.”  “Why?  Do you need all that shit?”  “Well, you never can tell.  I might need it someday.”  “So you just go there and buy something to get something free, just in case you need it someday.”  “Yeah.  Pretty much.”  “Have you ever used any of that shit in those bins?”  “No.”  “Have you ever used any of the shit that you bought so that you could get that free shit?”  “Well, no.  Cuz I didn’t really need them.”  “Are you even listening to yourself right now?  Cuz the shit you are saying just sounds dumb.”  But here’s the thing, he couldn’t stop buying the screwdrivers and tape measures or the hammers and the other bullshit because he wanted the free shit.  The other funny thing is, he was always flat broke and living from paycheck to paycheck.  Sure.  I admit that I have made some impulse purchases from time to time.  I also admit that my wife buys shit on a whim from time to time.  But we don’t do it just because.  And we don’t do it all the damn time.  It seems like impulse buyers who do it all the time cannot control themselves.  I don’t have a cure for that.  I am just saying that some people have a problem with impulse buying that keeps them deep in exercises in futility.

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