I encountered a verifiable mountain of red tape when I went through the process of completing the paperwork required to marry a foreign national while I was in the Army. I also mentioned that at the end of the paperwork drill when my fiancée and I went on a signature hunt to the mayor’s office for the special city of Seoul, Korea, to the Seoul City Hall, and to the office of the Consulate at the US Embassy, we wound up married. I should have known that we would be married just by going to the courthouse, as it were (the Seoul City Hall) and the Consulate section of the US Embassy (the foreign equivalent of a justice of the peace). Duh! Well, what can I say? The light bulbs just weren’t lighting up. Anyway, my wife and I never counted that little drill as our wedding. We just didn’t feel married. There was no white dress. There was no church. There was no exchange of rings. None of that. You know. All of that bullshit that you see in a wedding on TV. There was none of it. We had to have some of that. Actually, we had to have all of that. My wife insisted. So, I went to the post chaplain and inquired as to what it might take to get married in the post chapel. Damn. There was almost as much red tape and hoops to jump through to get married at the post chapel as there was just to marry a foreign national. Holy shit! I couldn’t believe that. Well, in his defense, the post chaplain was a full bird Colonel. He was probably pretty busy. Busy my ass. He just didn’t want to be bothered marrying some enlisted guy to some Korean girl. So, I went to the Chapel on South post. The chaplain over there was a Major from North Dakota. As soon as he found out that I was from North Dakota, he was more than happy to perform the ceremony. Of course, I still had to shoot the shit with him about the good old days in North Dakota. It turned out that he was from a town just 16 miles down the road from me. He even knew my parents. He asked what my parents thought about me getting married to a Korean. I told him that I didn’t really include them in the decision process. Oops. My bad. He took that in stride. He said he figured that’s why my folks weren’t at the wedding. I said that he figured right. Of course, I still had to take the marriage class. Yes. They had a marriage class. On top of all of the other bullshit you had to go through, you also had to take a marriage class. That class basically taught you how to get married. It was just another veiled attempt by the Army to talk soldiers out of marrying foreign nationals overseas. Go figure. My mother-in-law had a custom gold ring made for me, and I purchased a diamond engagement ring and wedding ring set for my wife. We had a wedding dress custom-made for my wife at a tailor shop. We also had a suit custom-made for me at a tailor shop. We hired a professional photographer to shoot photos of the wedding. But my best man also shot photos of the entire event. Looking back at everything, my best man’s photos of the event turned out much better than the professional photo package that we paid for. I also had my best man photograph the entire wedding reception. Our wedding ceremony was on a Saturday. And even though it was in the middle of December, the weather was mild and sunny. It was a perfect day to get married. My wife insisted that everybody in the wedding party wear white gloves. Why? I have no idea. But all of the groomsmen and the bridesmaids, the maid of honor, the best man, the bride, and the groom all wore white gloves. I asked everybody in the wedding party to arrive at the Chapel at least 20 minutes ahead of schedule. And everybody in the wedding party except one person arrived 20 minutes ahead of schedule, or earlier, as requested. Only one person did not show. Can you guess who? No. It was not me. It was the bride. That’s right. My bride was late. The scheduled time for the wedding came and went, but still no bride. I thought she stood me up. I waited almost 1/2 hour for her to show up. I was really starting to panic. I honest to God thought she wasn’t going to show. For a while, the preacher also thought that she wasn’t going to show. About five minutes before she did show, the preacher told me that if she didn’t show within the next 10 minutes he was going to cancel the wedding ceremony. When she finally arrived, I think I was the happiest guy on the planet. My best man said he could tell how stressed I was before she showed up because he could see how visibly relieved I was when she finally arrived. When we started to say our vows, my wife got so nervous she literally could not say simple words such as “I do” or “I will.” It took me the longest time to coax her into reciting her vows so that we could finish the ceremony. However, once we finished the ceremony and got outside, she was all smiles. We both were. We were finally officially married. I don’t remember hearing any wedding bells, but we were indeed married just the same. I reserved space in a local club to host my wedding reception, but I provided my own alcohol and nonalcoholic beverages. I encountered a slight exercise in futility while attempting to get all of the beverages delivered to the local club, but everything worked out in the end.
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