Tying Knots – An Ode to Military Humor

While I was assigned to the Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC) headquarters at Pacific Lutheran University in Tacoma, Washington, I was also working on my bachelor’s degree completion program.  Essentially, I had to finish a teaching internship in order to complete my college degree program.  I was working on a degree in Vocational Education with a minor in Electronic Technology.  There were two Vocational Education programs in Tacoma.  One school focused entirely on business management skills and the other one focused on diesel equipment maintenance mechanics and electronics communications and repair.  Neither school could give me all of the clock hours that I would need to finish my teaching internship.  But, if I split time between the two schools, I could get enough clock hours to finish my teaching internship.  The hardest part was going to be selling the internship to my academic advisor at the campus.  My academic advisor made the average hard ass drill sergeant look like a pushover.  The first time I pitched the idea to him, he wasn’t hearing any of my pleas or excuses.  His position was, either I finish the internship at one school, or I would fail the program.  If I failed the program, I would receive a grade of incomplete.  If I received an incomplete for a grade, I would not be able to graduate.  If I were not able to graduate, the Army would give me the boot.  Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t like it very much when somebody tries to stuff an oversized boot up my ass.  And the last time I checked; I was not a football.  Or a soccer ball.  Or a big 16-ounce (one pound) coffee can.  You know.  The kind that you used to play kick the can when you were a kid.  And if you never played kick the can when you were a kid, well, I can’t help you.  You just need to ask your parents what kick the can is all about.  And if they don’t know, ask your grandparents.  Hell, there’s gotta be somebody out there in the world that remembers what kick the can is besides me.  Anyway, you get the idea.  But then, about a week after I joined the ROTC program at Pacific Lutheran University, something miraculous happened.  Joe Hard-case, my student advisor for my teaching internship suddenly left the University.  He either fell off the earth, got run over by a truck or a bus, or he got hit by a freight train.  I don’t care which.  Come to think of it, I really don’t care what happened to him.  All I know is that this sorry sonofabitch was gone.  And so were my problems.  Cuz I was assigned a new program advisor.  When I had my initial meeting with my new program advisor, he asked me where I stood with my teaching internship.  I explained the problem to him.  I told him that I had to split my teaching internship hours between the two schools in order to get enough clock hours to complete the internship.  He said that he didn’t have a problem with that as long as both of my on-campus professors agreed to account for my clock hours and internship activities in their programs.  I said that was no problem and that I already had all of the paperwork already completed by both professors to start the internships at both schools.  At the business school, my courses of instruction were How to Dress for Success and How to Manage Office Files.  At the maintenance vocational education school, I taught Drivetrain Maintenance on Cummins diesel trucks and Printed Circuit (PC) Board Component Soldering in electronic maintenance.  For one of my classes in dressing for success, I taught different necktie knot-tying techniques.  For example, I taught the Full Windsor knot, the Half Windsor knot, and the Four in Hand knot (primary knots).  I showed the students other knots that they could practice and learn if they so desired.  But the three primary knots were all that they really needed to dress for success.  When I taught that necktie class, I went to a local thrift shop and bought a grocery bag full of neckties that I could use for that class.  Some of the neckties were only good enough to use for that class and then I got rid of them.  Some, I kept to use for Halloween costumes later on.  And others were in such good shape that I actually kept them for my own personal use.  Many of my students over at the other vocational education school didn’t think I could solder worth shit, so they tested me the very first day I was there.  What they didn’t know was that I was an electronic technician before I became an army officer.  I had to take a separate course in printed circuit (PC) card soldering as part of my electronic technology training.  I was certified in PC card soldering.  My first day of class I showed them a few tricks that their instructor didn’t know.  It always helps to have a few aces up your sleeve when you’re in a game of poker.  Just don’t get caught.  Additionally, make sure that you’re wearing a long sleeve shirt.  That way it’s less likely that other people are going to catch you with those hidden aces.  I truly enjoyed my days performing my teaching internships.  It may seem like endlessly tying knots is an exercise in futility, but I truly enjoyed watching others learn how to tie those knots.

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