If you have ever been to Benning’s home for boys, you know it gets damn hot and humid there in the summer. For those of you that don’t recognize Benning’s home for boys, it is also known as the Home of the Infantry and Fort Benning, GA. It gets so damn hot and humid that sometimes you think you are wasting your time taking a shower. Now, imagine that you live in a barracks that has no air conditioning because it is an old, World War II-style barracks. What are barracks you ask? Good question. They’re like dormitories, except they’re for soldiers. Those old WWII barracks were two-story wood structures that were hot as hell in the summer and cold as hell in the winter. And I lived in one for two years. One day, I had just finished cleaning my room and preparing it for an annual Inspector General inspection. I had even polished the floor. Everything was spotless. You could eat off of every surface in that room because it was so clean. Then in walked my room-mate. My room-mate was new and he was a cruit (that’s short for recruit). He had a bunch of bad habits, one of which was showing up at the absolute worst moment, like now. About the only two redeeming qualities he possessed were the fact that he was from NYC and that he was a sixth-degree black belt in kung fu. But right now, those qualities would not help him because he had just returned from the shower. So, what did he do? He pranced into the room, not exactly bare-ass-naked, and dropped his wet towel onto the floor. Bad move! OH, Come on! Really?!? Who wants to see someone else’s bare ass, much less bare anything else? Then, he turned his fan on high and stood in front of the fan. I noticed a bottle of J&J baby powder sitting next to the fan, and I thought to myself, “Oh hell no. He wouldn’t. He can’t be that much of a moron! Can he?” No such luck. He was. He grabbed that baby powder, and… Suddenly, things went from bad to inspection nightmare. POOF! POOF! A white cloud immediately dispersed and descended upon everything. Do you think he got any of that baby powder on his body? OH HELL NO! He got it everywhere but on his sorry ass. But he had that sixth-degree black belt in kung fu, so I reached for my equalizer. Back in those days, we had metal bunk-beds, except our bunk-beds weren’t stacked. My equalizer – a metal bunk-bed adapter. I chased his sorry naked ass right on out of that barracks for the public to see. Another exercise in futility. Why do you ask? Because I had to clean the entire room again for the inspection.
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