When I served as the Chief of the Armament Maintenance Branch for the Deputy Chief of Staff, Matériel, 19th Support Command, Camp Henry, South Korea, my first major project was the fielding of the M1 tank for United States Forces Korea (USFK), Eighth United States Army (EUSA), and the 2nd infantry division. After I had been in country for about eight months, fielding for the M1 tanks began. After M1 fielding concluded, I started the M-16A2 rifle fielding project. The M-16A2 rifle fired an improved 5.56×45 millimeter NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Organization) cartridge, it had a newer adjustable rear site, it had a heavier barrel, it had an improved hand guard, pistol grip, and butt stock, and it had a selector switch to fire on semi-automatic and three-round-burst fire. I also wrote a fielding plan for the Bradley fighting vehicle. By that time, I had been in my role as the Chief of the Armament branch for about one year. Meanwhile, things were getting interesting over in the Matériel Readiness Branch for the Deputy Chief of Staff, Matériel. The branch chief over there was getting ready to leave the service and go to work for the Internal Revenue Service in Pennsylvania. It seems he had received his second look for Major above the zone and got passed over for the second time. I asked him if he had written a letter to the promotion board before his second look to plead his case. He told me no because his assignments branch had told him that he had a 72 percent shot to get picked up for promotion. He said that they also told him pretty much the same thing during his first look for promotion to major. But he didn’t get selected then either. The funny thing about those assignments guys is that they make those projections based on calculated end strength requirements for officer headcount. But at the end of the day, those projections are just SWAGs. You all know what SWAGs are right? Right? Well, a SWAG is a scientific wild ass guess. Basically, it’s a shot in the dark. They might as well have blindfolded themselves and started throwing knives at balloons in a room full of people. We could even make the knife throwing contest interesting. We could make sure that all of the lights were shut off as well. Hell, they were bound to hit something. Not necessarily a balloon. But something. What the hell? What are a few casualties in a blind balloon popping contest in the dark? But they tell these poor hapless slobs that don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell that they have a 70 percent shot. It’s like this. Either you have a shot, or you don’t. When you’re out hunting critters, you can’t shoot 70 percent of a bullet at a critter and expect to kill it. Similarly, if the bad guys are coming at you over the hill, you can’t shoot 70 percent of a bullet at them and expect to stop any of them. So, how in the hell can you expect to get a 70 percent shot at a promotion? You either have a shot at a promotion or you don’t. You’re in or you’re out. But they feed you that feel good bullshit to make you feel good. Cuz they don’t want you to go away mad. They just want you to go away. So, these poor Frosty the Snowballs are sitting in hell melting thinking that they got an honest shot at a promotion, while there’s a big puddle of water forming at their feet. And right about the time that they turn to steam, they realize that their shit is in the wind. The only possible chance at redemption is to write a letter to the promotion board and submit evidence on your own behalf. But you know, I just don’t know if there was something heinous in my friend’s file that kept him from getting promoted. He would never tell me if he had been dinged on a command evaluation report. The one thing that you cannot erase is a ding on a command evaluation report. That right there is the kiss of death. You might as well torment a few angry black mamba snakes until they strike you multiple times over. Death is assured. Well, I guess if you walk into a burning building or if you’re married to a lethal black widow who has never been caught, you might also be dead that way too. I can think of several other ways to finish the job, but you get the idea. My point here is that my friend would not tell me if there was some damning evidence in his file that would keep him from getting promoted. He was content to leave well enough alone and move on toward greener pastures. That is if you could consider working for the Internal Revenue Service greener pastures. Now to my real point. Why did I tell you all of this? Cuz I wanted to entertain you. Right? Well, not exactly. I told you all of this because his position was a highly visible position within the Eighth Army, and it would have to be filled immediately. Since I was well-versed in matériel readiness reporting, having held a command previously for two years, and since I had worked in a Matériel Readiness Directorate previously, I was the logical choice to take his place. The Deputy Chief of Staff, Matériel, appointed me to be the next chief of the Matériel Readiness Branch. As I prepared to assume my new role, I thought about how a snowball’s chance in hell had given me an opportunity to avoid the exercise in futility of another poor slob.
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