When I served as the chief of the Matériel Readiness Branch in the office of the Deputy Chief of Staff, Matériel, 19th Support Command, Camp Henry, Korea, I served with my guy Friday, Master Sergeant Milton Peterson, who was my NCOIC. During our off-duty time, we did quite a bit of hiking together in the local mountains around Taegu. On one fateful Saturday where we headed up into the mountains, knowing full well that we had to be back at the Sue Song Heights Apartments in time to make it to the monthly hail and farewell dinner at the Camp Henry officers club. As well as the events that unfolded as a result of that fateful hiking trip. If you read that post, you are well aware of the fact that my guy Friday and I spent the night huddled underneath a pine tree buried in pine boughs and pine needles. We were forced to do that because our clothes were wet, and we were hopelessly trapped in a dense fog that made conditions too treacherous to hike. We needed to stay warm while we waited out the fog. To the world, we were lost. However, we knew exactly where we were, sort of. I say sort of because we were trapped in a fog that was so dense that we essentially could not see more than a couple of feet in front of us. So, while we knew our relative location, we did not know our precise location. We had absolutely no clue where we were at. Cuz there was one point during the late afternoon of the previous day where we had become separated from each other in the fog. Once we realized that we had become separated, we tried to reunite with each other. However, if you have ever played “Kick the Can”or “Hide and Go Seek”outside in the dark on a moonless night, you just may have some idea of what it is like trying to find somebody in a fog. But maybe not. It took us 45 minutes to relocate each other by constantly calling out to each other by name. While stumbling around in the fog searching for each other, we had no idea of just how far we had drifted off of our normal course. Not that we had a normal course. Mind you. But we were on a trail of sorts, after all. When darkness set in, we realized that it had become too treacherous to walk in the fog. We realized that we could walk right off of a cliff and kill ourselves at any time. I was not exactly thrilled with the prospect. Since we didn’t have any way to contact anybody to let them know that we were okay, we just had to let them assume the worst, but hope for the best. It seemed like they had assumed the worst, as it turned out. But they had taken action as if they had also hoped for the best. Please stay tuned to learn more. After a night spent huddled underneath a pine tree buried in pine boughs and pine needles, my guy Friday and I set off back down the mountain. At about 9 o’clock in the morning on Sunday morning, we arrived at the Sue Song Heights apartment complex. Milton headed off to his apartment, and I was just about to do the same thing when I noticed something funny. I saw the 19th Support Command , Command Sergeant Major, and a few other guys that normally didn’t hike dressed up in full hiking regalia like they were all about to head out on a hiking trip. I thought to myself, “Self, something is really off about that picture. I wonder what in the hell is going on? Maybe I’ll just mosey on over there and stick my nose in all nonchalantly and shit and ask what the hell is up.” So, I walked over to where this group of Sunday go to church hikers was gathering and politely interjected myself into the conversation. I asked, “Hey fellas, what’s going on?” The Sergeant Major looked at me and replied, “Oh hey, Sir. We’re just about to head out and go up into the mountains looking for a couple of jokers that got lost yesterday.” “Oh really? Somebody got lost?” “Yeah. Two jokers got lost last night and never returned. Their wives reported them missing to the military police (MPs). We’re just waiting for the MPs to show up to lead the search for these guys.” “Well hey, I know the trails up there on those mountains pretty well. I go up there every week. Let me go and change and tell my wife where I’m going, and I will be right back.” So, I went into my apartment and as soon as I entered, my wife practically jumped on me. She said, “Oh my gosh, you’re back! When you didn’t come home last night, I thought that was it. I thought I would never see my husband again.” I replied, “Really? I know my way around those mountains better than anybody. Of course, I would come home. I am going to go help those people try to find two guys that are lost.” “Those two people that are lost are you and your friend.” “But Yobo, we’re not lost. We just couldn’t see the trail to come home yesterday in the fog, and we had no way to let you know that we couldn’t come home.” “Those people don’t know that. They think you’re lost.” “No, they don’t. I was just talking to them a little bit ago.” “Well, they didn’t realize that they were talking to you.” “Who in the hell did they think they were talking to then? I need to go down and straighten this out with them.” So, I went back outside and caught up with the search party just as they were about to head out. I yelled out to the Sergeant Major, “Sergeant Major, hold up for a minute. Who are you guys looking for?” The Sergeant Major replied, “We’re looking for… Hey, wait a minute. We’re supposed to be looking for you and your NCOIC. You guys are lost.” “Well, obviously, I’m not lost. I’m right here. Besides, if you were going to go up there looking for me, you would never find me. Cuz I don’t hike in the places where normal Americans go. Just go up there and ask any Korean. Most of the regulars know me.” “Well, here we are organizing a search for you and you just come traipsing into the compound like there’s nothing happening.” “That’s because there is nothing happening. If you were searching for me, I was never lost. I knew exactly where I was. I just couldn’t get here from there. Because the fog was too thick.” “The fog? I think you’re going to have a hard time selling that to the Chief of Staff. By the way, he said that if we found you, he said to tell you that he had a bone to pick with you.” “Why? Cuz I didn’t show up at his hail and farewell? It was my $20 that got swallowed. You don’t think that I wanted to be there? Oh, believe me. I wanted to be there. I don’t pay cash money for food, and then not show up to eat it.” The MPs proved even harder to convince that I was me. I had to take them to my apartment and have my wife verify my identity because my description didn’t match the description that they were given. What in the hell kinda shit is that. If a person shows you an identification card with their picture on it that says they are who they say they are, well, God damnit, that’s who in the hell they are. But not according to those donut eating sons of bitches. For all intents and purposes, my wife had to definitively pick me out of the lineup and say, “Yup. That’s him. That’s the guilty sonofabitch right there.” And in this case, I was the only person in their damn lineup. Let that be a lesson to you. Don’t ever get reported lost to the MPs so that they form a search party for you. Cuz there will be hell to pay when the search party concludes its business. The MPs will run you through an endless exercise in futility to verify your identity.
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