Night Shift – An Ode to Military Humor

Well, my days serving as the Commander of the 305th Supply and Services Company in the 227th Maintenance Battalion At Yongsan, Seoul, Korea, had come and gone.  And my fantastic vacation to the island of Guam with my family had also come and gone.  It’s funny how time flies when you are having fun.  And it is also funny how time seems to drag on and on when you are doing something boring and mundane.  If you recall my final act commanding the 305th, you will remember that I invited three general officers to my change of command.  In fact, five general officers actually showed up for my change of command, three US Army general officers and two Republic of Korea Army generals.  One of the three generals, the General Officer in charge of the Eighth United States Army G4 showed up because I was going to be working for him immediately after I left command and returned from Guam.  Well, going by my more recent adventures, you should know that I had subsequently started working at the Eighth United States Army G4 and that the general that I went there to work for subsequently departed for a new assignment in the United States.  Then the newly assigned general in charge of the Eighth United States Army G4 tried to whip all of us into shape with his new get-tough, physical training program and promptly died of a heart attack while demonstrating to us how out of shape we were.  Things had then settled back down to a dull roar here at the Eighth United States Army G4.  We were gearing up to take part in the Combined Forces Command (United States Forces Command, Republic of Korea Forces Command) exercise Ulchi-Focus Lens.  The exercise was originally created by the Combined Forces Command in order to enhance ROK-US interoperability by training commanders and staff from both nations in wartime planning, command-and-control operations, intelligence, logistics and personnel procedures necessary for the successful defense of the Republic of Korea.  I know.  I know.  All of that sounds like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo.  And it is.  Basically, it’s an excuse for a bunch of military people to go on temporary duty to Korea for two weeks on a boondoggle.  Just in case you don’t know what a boondoggle is, I’ll tell you.  It’s a chance for people already stationed in Korea to be miserable for two weeks, especially if they get stuck with the night shift.  Lucky me.  By the way, the shifts are twelve hours on and twelve hours off.  Kinda sucks, huh?  It is also a chance for people in other places (such as the United States, for instance) who don’t get selected to go on the boondoggle but still have to participate in the exercise to be miserable.  Why?  Cuz they also get to be miserable for two weeks, especially if they get stuck with the night shift.  The only difference is they get to go home at the end of their shift.  Yay.  The people in Korea who get selected to participate in the exercise deploy to an off-site location, so they don’t get to go home at the end of their shift.  Bummer.  A key difference between personnel selected for the day shift and personnel selected for the night shift (this is for personnel that are deployed to Korea for the boondoggle) is that personnel selected for the day shift can go downtown smoking and joking and clubbing in the Ville.  If you are not aware of what the Ville is, well, that is the Korean village just outside the gate of an American military base in Korea.  And what can people on the night shift do after their shift is over?  Basically, they can eat and catch some much needed sleep.  Yay.  Do you see what a great advantage it is to have been selected for the night shift?  People selected for the day shift have it made.  Sure, they say that more happens during the day.  Thus, people on the day shift have much more work to do.  Oh, boo-hoo.  When their shift is over, they can party hearty in the Ville and attend to their shopping needs.  And to be honest, if people who pulled the night shift did not sleep the entire day away, they could in fact preserve a few hours just before the start of their next shift to head into the Ville in order to attend to their shopping needs.  Sure.  They couldn’t kick loose and let their hair down, so to speak.  They couldn’t get wild and do a thunder run through all the clubs just before their shift.  Well, I suppose they could.  But then there would be hell to pay if and when they reported for duty.  You just can’t show up to work three sheets to the wind.  By the way, if you do not know what three sheets to the wind means, just Google that phrase.  In my research for this blog, I noted that the name of the exercise was changed in recent years to Ulchi-Freedom Lens.  But back when I participated both in Conus (Continental United States) Army staff and in the Eighth United States Army G4, the exercise was known as Ulchi-Focus Lens.  I say that the exercise was known as Ulchi-Focus Lens but a lot of my pals and I affectionately knew it as Okey Dokey Lens.  From past experience working this exercise, I knew that the night shift was much better than the day shift, even given its disadvantages.  Thus, I willingly volunteered for the night shift.  From my days in command, I had no problem surviving and functioning on as few as four hours of sleep a night.  I was able to participate in Okey Dokey Lens with no exercises in futility.

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