If you have read my last few posts, you know that I have written about my family’s departure from Hawaii on our way to Tacoma en route to North Dakota and the East Coast. I was ultimately headed to the East Coast to Fort Lee, Virginia to attend the Logistics Executive Development Course. The stops in Tacoma and North Dakota were to visit relatives. Oh yeah, the stop in North Dakota was also to retrieve my red Chevy van. If you read last week’s post, you probably read about the really rough landing that my luggage experienced. To be brutally honest, my luggage was beat to hell. My luggage looked like it had been beaten by a bunch of gangbangers with chains and clubs to within an inch of its life. I must confess that I never really paid attention to how checked luggage was handled by the airlines previous to that flight from Honolulu, Hawaii to Tacoma-Seattle International Airport. But I have given checked luggage close scrutiny ever since that flight. Why, may you ask? That is an excellent question. Of course, somebody could come up with valid arguments why that is not a good investment of time. And I would probably have to agree with them. But not since I had to replace my luggage and my clothing and the clothing of my family. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced a travesty such as that. But if and when you do, you will start paying much closer attention to how the luggage handlers handle your bags at the airport. Sure. You see it satirically depicted on television and you may even comment that such ludicrous events don’t really happen in real life. But are you really certain? Have you ever observed how luggage is handled at an airport? I never really paid any attention to it until I saw hard evidence. But once I saw it, I could not unsee it. That is when I started to scrutinize how luggage is handled at every airport. I must also confess that I don’t know how much those luggage handlers actually get paid by the airlines to work outside in the heat of the summer in adverse weather conditions such as rain and temperature extremes or in the cold of winter. Their jobs are not exactly glamorous. But hey, they signed up for the job. I didn’t. I reckon they knew what they were getting themselves into. If they didn’t, well, shame on them. I know that those jobs can be thankless. But they do get a paycheck. All I can say is, “Suck it up.” But ever since that experience with the rough landing, I must say that I look for whatever chance I can to fly with carry-on luggage. If I can get away without checking any bags, I will fly only with carry-on luggage. Why? That is an excellent question. Do some research. While you’re sitting around waiting for a flight at an airport after you’ve gone through security or after you boarded an airplane and you happen to have a window seat, look out the window and watch those clowns. No. You’re not going to see a bunch of people dressed up in clown suits performing like in the circus. But what you will see are those luggage handlers resembling gorillas playing with porcelain teacups in a china shop. The longer you watch, the more it will look like they are trying to set records to see who can throw suitcases the farthest and the highest. And God forbid you should actually write the words fragile on a package or wrap it with red tape that is stamped fragile. That is an automatic queue to absolutely crush, break, bend, fold, mutilate, or destroy the package. Flight wary travelers who have had their luggage previously mutilated and destroyed have taken cautionary steps. If you visit the luggage carousels, you can bear witness to this fact you will find all sorts of suitcases that are duct taped, wrapped with belts, and tied with twine or string to hold them together securely in an attempt to keep them intact. Does this work? Perhaps, maybe for one or two flights. But how long can duct tape or a belt or twine or string really secure a suitcase against the ravages of a savage gorilla intent on smashing it all to hell like a teacup in a china shop. Cuz just remember that is exactly what those luggage handlers resemble. They aren’t trying to be nice to your luggage. Oh hell no. They act like your luggage is public enemy number one. They don’t act like your luggage is job security. And let’s face it, that’s what it is. Your checked luggage is job security for a luggage handler at an airport. You even have to pay a checked baggage fee to the airline to check your bags. You pay that fee just so that those gorillas can go out there and beat the shit out of your luggage. Realistically, have you actually examined how often you have replaced your luggage? The airline reimbursed me for the loss after I filed a claim for the destroyed luggage, the lost clothes, and the damaged clothes. I also filed a claim with the Army and was reimbursed so it worked out in the end. Nowadays, I buy all of my luggage at Costco. Why? Because they have an unconditional guarantee. When the gorillas at the airport destroy my luggage, I just take it back and say that it is broken. Costco will usually replace it. I have also learned to use expandable semi-hard-shell suitcases with zippers rather than hard-shell suitcases that use clasps to snap together. The expandable semi-hard-shell suitcases seem to last much better and weather the assaults of the luggage handlers much better. Then, when I must check my luggage, I know that my luggage stands a much better chance of surviving to reach its destination. However, I must warn you that you cannot pack perishable goods into such suitcases. Cuz that shit will break. Keep the perishable shit in your carry-on luggage. Then you can fly without experiencing any exercises in futility.
Posted inLife Lessons PCS Troubles
Luggage Apes – An Ode to Military Humor
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wright masters
January 20, 2023
Tags: Last updated on January 20, 2023
Howdy,
I am a product solutions architect by day and an aspiring fiction and nonfiction writer by night. I enjoy the great outdoors and scenic wonders. I live in the San Francisco Bay area. Did I mention that I am a retired military veteran? I am also a closet comedian, but please do not hold that against me. By the way, if you are looking for that splendid Broadway show, this ain't it! Welcome to my blog. WM
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