Basic training at Fort Lost in the Woods (Fort Leonard Wood), Missouri, involved more than just push-ups, formations, and range week. But it was also more than playing Army and learning how to be a soldier by performing road marches and camping out in the woods. There was your basic discipline, your basic physical fitness, and your basic adapting to Army life training. We took a lot of training that involved combat first-aid or combat life-saving. First-aid training revolved around performing resuscitation, applying combat field dressings, and wound recognition. We also took training on survival, escape, and evasion in the case of combat with and possible capture by an enemy. We took training on physical security and guard duty, camouflage and concealment, subversion and espionage directed against the United States Army, the code of conduct, and the general orders. This is by no means a comprehensive list of all of the training that we underwent, but it gives you an idea of some of the training that we undertook. It also gives you an idea of the fun we had or didn’t have. There were good days and there were bad days. In the beginning, there were a helluva lot more bad days than there were good days. Bear in mind that in my day we didn’t have those little bullshit stressor cards that we could carry around in our shirt pocket that we could pull out and flag the drill sergeant with when we were under too much stress. Oh, hell no. No such luck. No bullshit like that. We were shit outta luck. I can’t tell you how many damn push-ups I did in the first week or two of basic training, but it was one helluva lot. Anyway, as time went on, we got used to the grind, and Army life got easier. It was still just as stressful, but we found little ways to break up the stress. For example, when learning mouth-to-mouth resuscitation with the Resusci Anne, also known as Resusci Annie, or Resuscitation Annie, we would choke the snot out of the resuscitation doll when the instructor wasn’t watching. Whenever we did that, other students observing in the class would burst out laughing. That immediately caught the instructor’s attention. Another trick we tried was to change the lyrics to the cadence that the drill sergeant was calling ever so slightly to see if he would catch on. But I think the most memorable event from my time at basic training was guard duty. I was assigned to guard a classified storage facility along with one of my friends from my platoon. His name was David Strecker. Private Strecker told me, the first time I met him, that his name was pronounced like checker only different. David Strecker was a twin. He had joined the Army with his twin brother Daniel Strecker. Both Strecker twins were in my platoon, and both were my friends. However, David was perhaps a closer friend than Daniel. I never quite figured out why. Guess what. I never even tried to figure out why. That was just the way the cookie crumbled. Anyway, private Strecker and I were posted on guard duty to guard this classified storage facility. In addition to our standard general orders, we were given special orders as well. Our special orders were to allow nobody, but nobody access without first producing proper military identification and need to enter. Furthermore, we were instructed to prohibit everyone and anyone in civilian attire from entering. We were instructed to restrain any individuals who refuse to comply with our general and special orders and to lock and load if necessary. We were each issued an M-16 and a 20-round magazine with three live rounds of ammunition prior to being posted at our duty station. The Sergeant of the guard asked us three times to repeat our special orders to see if we understood the use of deadly force and when to lock and load. Then, the sergeant of the guard escorted us to our post. Private Strecker and I walked our post routinely for about an hour and 15 minutes before we were challenged. When the soldier approached and was still 15 meters away, I commanded, “Halt. Who goes there? State your name, your rank, and your business.” The sergeant of the guard replied, “Meyer, Stephen A. Staff Sergeant. I am here to check the status of the guards.” “Advance to be recognized.” Staff Sergeant Meyer came forward and briefed me on how I had done. Then, he asked if anybody had been by to which we replied ‘negative’. Finally, he said, “Keep up the good work. Then he left. About 15 minutes after Staff Sergeant Meyer left, another person came walking up. This second person was dressed in civilian clothes. I commanded, “Halt. Who goes there? State your name, your rank, and your business.” But the individual said nothing, and he kept advancing. I commanded again, “Halt. I said halt. I have the authority to lock and load on you.” He still did not stop. By this time, private Strecker realized I was having difficulty and locked and loaded his weapon. Then, I locked and loaded. At that point, I aimed my M-16 straight at the individual and said, “Look you bastard, I told you I have the authority to lock and load. I have a loaded M-16 aimed at you. If you take one more step, I will drop you where you stand.” I think I was finally getting through to the bastard because he finally spoke. He said, “I don’t have to listen to you. You’re just a goddamn private. And I’m a captain in this United States Army.” “No. You have not proven you are a captain or anything else in this United States Army. In fact, you ain’t shit to me. What you have done is try to breach a classified security storage facility. That’s what you have done. That is a federal felony. Now I’m going to ask you nicely to get your ass on the goddamn ground face down. Do it.” “Soldier, I don’t have to listen to you.” “You know something? The bullets in this here M-16 say different. They say you do have to listen to me. Now I said get your ass on the ground face down. You know, my finger is getting kinda sweaty on this here trigger so it might accidentally slip and squeeze the trigger. And you might accidentally get shot. What I’m trying to tell you is you better hurry your tired ass up.” “God dammit. I’m going to bring both of you up on charges.” “You know something. You ain’t going to do a goddamn thing. Now, get your hands behind your head and interlock your fingers. You’re going to lay right there on the ground until my partner here gets back with the Sergeant of the guard. And I’m going to stand right here with this M-16 aimed right at the back of your head. If you even twitch, I’m going to squeeze the trigger. Do you understand?” “Oh, I understand perfectly. I don’t think you understand who you’re messing with.” “Yes, I do. You’re some jackass that tried to jack me up on guard duty. Well, I don’t think it worked.” “Private, you don’t have a clue. I’m Captain Benton. I work at this facility.” “How in the hell do I know that? Do your clothes say that? Did you say that when I asked you to stop and be recognized? No. None of the above. You acted like a jackass. You acted like Johnny on the spot. Well, I’m sorry to inform you but I’m in charge of this facility tonight, and I have my orders. And my orders don’t tell me to give access to unidentified pricks in civilian clothes. That includes you.” At about that time, the sergeant of the guard arrived with private Strecker and our company commander. When they saw who I had detained, the sergeant of the guard immediately asked, “Captain Benton why didn’t you comply with private Masters instructions? You know what the standard operating procedure is. You also know what the general and special orders are for this guard post. Did you comply with any of his instructions?” Captain Benton replied, “I don’t report to you.” Then, my company commander said, “Sergeant Meyer, I think you should apprise the Battalion commander of the situation and advise him that Captain Benton has breached a secure classified area unlawfully and refuses to cooperate as instructed. If he has any questions, have him call me at my office.” Sergeant Meyer then asked, “Sir, what should we do about Captain Benton?” “Ask the Battalion commander about that as well. Since I don’t have the authority to order Captain Benton around, I believe the Battalion commander will have to send the Battalion XO out here to take custody of Captain Benton.” Captain Benton then interjected, “Come on guys. Do we really have to get the Battalion commander involved?” Then, the company commander looked at Captain Benton and said, “You know Stephen, I think you really screwed things up this time. You know how we handle this post. Why did you screw with the guards? That was just plain dumb. You’re not leaving me much choice but to get the Battalion commander involved.” Captain Benton replied, “Hey man, I never expected it to go this far. I was just trying to have fun with the privates. I seriously thought they knew who I was.” “Really? How in the hell could you expect two privates from my company to know who in the hell you are from Adam? Especially in the dark. They were just following their orders. Masters showed a lot of restraint by not blowing your ass away. What you did was really stupid. If you’re lucky, the Battalion commander may just chew your ass something fierce. That’s if you’re lucky. Well Stephen, do you feel lucky?” “Well now that you put it that way, I guess it was pretty stupid. I guess I did try to jack them up.” And that was how a captain in civilian clothes sweet talked his way into another exercise in futility.
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