Jacked Full of Vaccines – An Ode to Military Humor

When I served as the Commander of the 305th Supply and Services Company in the 227th Maintenance Battalion At Yongsan, Seoul, Korea, Operation Desert Shield was just beginning to escalate right as my company was successfully concluding its Army Training and Evaluation Program (ARTEP).  Right after Thanksgiving, my company received an alert to prepare for deployment to Saudi Arabia for Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm.  As a result of being alerted to prepare for deployment for Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm, my unit was ordered to perform POM (Preparation for Overseas Movement) activities.  POM activities consisted of getting all of your affairs in order, such as preparing a will and testament, ensuring that all of your military records were up-to-date to reflect your beneficiaries for benefits, ensuring that your military pay records were up-to-date to reflect direct deposit for your pay, and of course shots or vaccinations.  Shots.  Lots of shots.  Lots and lots of shots.  Shots up one side of your arm and down the other side.  Shots until your hair turned gray.  Shots for shit that you didn’t even know were diseases.  Lots and lots of shots.  They gave us so goddamn many shots that we couldn’t even move our arms the next day.  But, of course, we had to use our arms the next day, because the next day was a normal work day.  That kinda sucked.  That was actually a first, my unit getting alerted to deploy to another theater of operations.  Cuz the Korean War had never actually been resolved.  There was no actual peace treaty between the two Koreas, or between North Korea and the United States, or between North Korea and the United Nations for that matter.  No.  All there was in place was a shaky armistice agreement.  Yeah.  You don’t shoot at us, and maybe we won’t shoot at you.  What the hell kinda shit is that?  That’s basically the same kinda shit you see in gang territory in the inner cities.  Everybody is loaded for bear, and nobody better flinch.  Cuz if you do, all bets are off.  The shit is going to hit the fan.  But I guess that all the good guys figured that all the bad guys around the world would just behave themselves while we were off conducting operations in the desert in the Middle East against other bad guys.  Cuz hey we don’t want no fight from you while we’re off over here fighting these guys.  Cuz if we have to drop everything over here to come back over there to kick your ass, there will be hell to pay.  And of course, the bad guys in the other parts of the world will just sit back and say, of course, we understand.  Cuz of course, they do understand.  But is that the way shit really works? I don’t think so.  Otherwise, we wouldn’t have had to deal with World War I and World War II, now would we?  Hmmm…  And you know, that’s exactly the way they played it.  Cuz the maroons (morons, not the color purple, okay) pulled military units out of Europe for deployment to Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm as well.  My unit was alerted for deployment as a contingency unit for support of the ground war.  We were alerted for two reasons.  The first reason was that we were the go-to cradle-to-grave  supply and services company deployed in a combat zone.  In fact, my company had been issued the radio call sign ‘Calling Nine-One-One’ because my company had a reputation for getting the job done and getting it done right.  The second reason was that the experts planning the ground war effort during Desert Storm had no idea how long a protracted ground war would last or what kind of casualties would be sustained by the coalition allies.  As it turned out, the ground war during Operation Desert Storm had ended so quickly that contingency units were not needed.  Thus, although my unit was alerted for deployment, we were never deployed.  However, some units in Europe that were alerted for deployment for Operation Desert Storm, were actually deployed to augment coalition forces and to bolster defenses during the ground war operations.  So, did they circle back and withdraw all of those bullshit vaccines out of our bodies?  I don’t think so.  I don’t even know what in the hell different kinds of bullshit that they pumped into us.  I just know that they pumped one helluva lot of bullshit into us.  That was really jacked up, especially since we didn’t even get deployed.  What a waste.  We got jacked full of vaccinations just because.  Yum, Yum.  Well, we didn’t actually eat the vaccines.  The medics just jacked the shit into our arms.  That was one helluva exercise in futility. 

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