When I served as the Commander of the 305th Supply and Services Company in the 227th Maintenance Battalion At Yongsan, Seoul, Korea, the company passed several major tests and milestones. And the company picked up new missions without skipping a beat. Oh, and I managed to get fired and rehired to my job as commander not once, not twice, but three times. My most recent firing came at the 501st Support Group Officer Professional Development (OPD) class, which was held at the 501st Support Group headquarters in Uijeongbu, South Korea. The reason I got fired… You’re going to love this. The reason I got fired is because I didn’t ride the stupid ass bus that the 501st Support Group Commander said that I and my Lieutenants had to ride to get to the OPD. And why didn’t I ride that stupid ass bus? Cuz the goddamn thing was late. And it wasn’t late by just five or 10 minutes. Oh hell no. That sonofabitch was over a half hour late when I decided enough with the dumb wait. I decided that I was going to have my Lieutenants and I infiltrate the goddamn OPD so that we wouldn’t be late. I could just see my ass getting jacked up by the group commander if we showed up late. I wasn’t about to let that happen, so I made a command decision to drive and infiltrate the goddamn OPD. I figured, what the hell! What’s he going to do, fire me again? Well, as it turned out, yeah! That’s exactly what he was going to do. Why? Cuz that’s the kinda guy he was. A petty sonofabitch. A petty sonofabitch that didn’t get none at home and was too damn scared to go downtown to the Ville. Oh yeah. I know that thought of a possible theory about an affliction that he might have. You know. His lights were on, but nobody was home. He was 10 bricks shy of a full load. His elevator didn’t go all the way to the top floor. Take your pick. Each expression basically said the same thing. There were bats in his belfry. And believe me, it is very possible that he had all of those things wrong with him too. I am not saying he didn’t. I am certain that he wasn’t getting any at home. But it is also very possible that he had that aforementioned affliction. Yes Sir. He was a heap plenty sick. But I am also very certain that he hated my guts because I got stuffed down his throat like bad medicine and he just loved to fire me. But you know what? That sonofabitch had a bad habit of spitting all over people whenever he shouted as well. He couldn’t say anything without spraying it. The redder his face got, the worse he sprayed. You needed to bring a goddamn umbrella to a shouting match with him to protect your ass. Most of the time, I just wore my Gore-Tex rain gear to keep my ass dry. I had done the infiltration right. My company executive officer and I had prepared an operations order and a movement order for the infiltration to the OPD. I had ensured that each of my lieutenants received a copy of each order. I also ensured that each order included the following instruction. After arrival at the OPD, if asked by the Group Commander how that officer arrived at the OPD, each officer was instructed to read the following: my commander ordered me to infiltrate your headquarters, Sir. I thought my plan was foolproof. And it was. However, it wasn’t idiot proof. And I didn’t account for that. My bad. And the group commander picked the absolute worst Lieutenant in the whole bunch to ask how in the hell we all got to the OPD. Apparently, that jackass knew that the bus that was supposed to show up at Yongsan, was either late or never showed. Anyhow, the group commander decided to ask Lieutenant Woodson, of all people, how in the hell all of the officers from the 305th Supply and Services Company managed to get to the OPD even though the bus was late. And of course, Lieutenant Woodson, just had to tell him by doing his finest impression of me. When Lieutenant Woodson said, “Oh, they drove Sir. All the while using all of the mannerisms and gestures that I normally use. The group commander just couldn’t handle it. He lost it. He blew up like a volcano. Spittle came flying out of his mouth like lava spewing forth from a volcano during a cataclysmic eruption. He fired me in front of the whole damn OPD assembly. But he was shocked to shit when I started to walk away immediately after he fired me. He screamed, “Masters, where in the hell do you think you’re going?” I simply replied, “I don’t work for you. Don’t you remember? You just fired me. I’m out of here.” And I walked out the door. I didn’t see what happened after I walked out the door. That was really special. What that group commander had done was that he had fired me in front of the entire assembled cadre of officers in the entire group. He had crossed a line. It is an unmarked line, but he had crossed it. One by one, my Lieutenants walked up to the group commander. But I had one very vocal, hard charging second Lieutenant who was going to make a helluva fine officer. He became the spokesman for the group. His name was Lieutenant Stevens. Lieutenant Stevens walked up to the group commander and said, “Sir, what you did was out of line. You humiliated the best damn company commander in this command. That will not stand. If you want to fire him, you will have to fire me. Otherwise, I quit! And that goes for every Lieutenant standing with me. You fire us all, or we will all walk out that door and quit. Then you will have to fire our asses.” The group commander looked at him and said, “Who in the hell trained your insubordinate ass?” “The same goddamn commander that wins all of the goddamn awards in this command and accomplishes all of the tough missions in this command. That’s who in the hell trained my insubordinate ass, Sir. So, what is it going to be?” “God dammit. Your commander disobeyed a direct order. I fired him.” “Yeah. And you would’ve fired him for being late to your sorry ass OPD. He knew that, and he got us all here.” “My decision stands.” “That’s fine Sir. Our decision stands too. Let’s go guys. We’re out of here. What’s he going to do? Fire us all? Fine. Hit it.” And every damn Lieutenant in the 305th Supply and Services Company walked out the door of the auditorium. They had either saved the day, or they had just jumped into one helluva’n exercise in futility.
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