My third roommate during my time in the barracks at Fort Benning, who I’ve mentioned in several posts, was Tony Di Anzo. Tony and I were pretty tight because of the length of time that we knew each other. I was one of the few soldiers in the unit that met Tony’s dad when he came down from New York. And I was also the first person to meet Tony’s future wife. The way Tony met his future wife is rather interesting. He and I went to Nichols Alley on more than one occasion because he fancied himself as somewhat of a disco dancer. I will admit that his finesse with martial arts did give him an almost graceful flow on the dance floor that was in rhythm with the music. And as he taught me some of his martial arts skills, I learned some of that graceful movement as well. Di Anzo also considered himself somewhat of a ladies man. I won’t debate the merits of that claim, however. I never saw him get his face slapped, but I saw him strike out as many times as I saw him score when he asked ladies to dance. So, you be the judge. Was he a ladies man? Like I said, I will not debate the merits of his claim that he was. I always said, “A man has to know his limitations.” I never claimed to be a ladies man. My luck with the ladies ran hot and cold. Mostly cold. Ice cold. In fact, most of the time I thought I was on the North Pole. I always played it safe and only asked girls that I thought for sure would say yes. I could read people’s body language very well, and I could pick up on subtle little cues that ladies would be sending me. A lot of guys would miss those subtle little cues. For example, I avoided preacher’s daughters like the plague. Anyway, whenever we went down to Nichols Alley, Di Anzo would put on fancy silk shirts and bell bottom pants to dress the part of a disco daddy. I wasn’t about all that bullshit. I wore jeans and T-shirts or polo shirts, so I looked halfway decent. Tony would always preach to me about how I had to dress classy to catch classy ladies. Yeah right. Sure, Di Anzo. I’ll get right on that. I wasn’t about to go out and buy a bunch of clothes just to impress some ladies. One particular night when Di Anzo and I went down to Nichols Alley, I saw a lady from Montgomery, Alabama, that I knew. So, I walked over and started talking to her. I asked her to dance, and we danced for about a half hour until she wanted to take a break. Then, I told her I was going to go over and talk to my partner and order her a drink and then I would circle back. She said okay. I walked over to where Di Anzo and I had been sitting, but he wasn’t there. Then, I saw him three or four tables over talking with two ladies. I walked over and said hello. Tony introduced me by saying, “Susan and Jean, this is my friend Wright. Wright meet Susan and Jean. Susan and Jean are roommates. They share a house in Columbus.” I responded, “Hi ladies. It is really nice to meet you.” Tony looked at me and asked, “Where did you disappear? You were gone for about 45 minutes or so.” I looked at him and smiled and said, “Yeah. About that. What happened was, I saw a lady I knew from Montgomery, Alabama. I went over to say hello and we wound up dancing for a half hour. I just came over here to tell you that I’m over there with her, and I’ll probably hang out with her until she splits to go back to Montgomery.” “What’s the deal? There are two ladies right here. All we gotta do is dance with them and play things right.” “So, the thing is, there weren’t two ladies in the mix when I went over and started talking with my lady friend from Montgomery. I already made plans with her. I’m not going to bail on her now just because you have two ladies here. You see what I’m saying?” “Why would you screw this up?” “I’m not screwing anything up. I already had something set up. Let me tell you something else. I’ve known that lady from Montgomery for quite a while already. I’m not going to bail on her because something might happen over here. No way in hell.” “Suit yourself. But when your friend leaves, if we’re still here, come back over here.” “Right.” I danced and partied with my friend from Montgomery until about 11:30 PM that evening. Then she said, “Wright, honey, I have to leave now. But I’ll be back on Friday if you can come in. Do you think you can come in? I’d like to see you again.” I replied, “Sara, unless I have duty, I’ll be here. Nothing could keep me away. You know I really like you.” “I like you too Wright.” We hugged, kissed and then she left. I walked back over to where Di Anzo, Susan, and Jean were, but they were no longer there. So, I left and went back to Fort Benning. The next day, Di Anzo came up to me at work and said, “We waited for you man.” I replied, “What do you mean you waited for me? My friend left at 11:30 PM and I came back over to where you had been sitting, but you were already gone. Please Es-plain SOMESING to me, Lucy? How do you call that waiting?” “What in the hell is that ‘Lucy’ shit?” “Don’t you ever watch ‘I Love Lucy’ on TV? If you don’t, you should. Because you’re as ditzy as Lucy. You say you are going to do something and then you don’t. That is some kind of bullshit.” “Well hey, check this out. That lady Jean kinda likes you.” “What do you mean, she kinda likes me?” “Well, she kinda likes you. She actually thought you were coming back. But then you didn’t.” “Look, even Cinderella didn’t leave before midnight. What the hell?” “What the hell does Cinderella have to do with this?” “Man are you dumb. I gotta spell everything out. I told you I wasn’t bailing on my girl until she left to go back to Montgomery. She left at 11:30 PM. It was still early. Most normal people don’t go home that early. That’s all I’m saying.” “What are you doing tonight?” “Why?” “Well, tonight is college night at Nichols Alley.” “Yeah. So. The last time I checked; I wasn’t in college. College night doesn’t affect me. I gotta pay regular price for admission.” “Yes, but Susan and Jean are in college. They get in free with their college IDs.” “I see.” “Yeah. And Jean really wants to meet you.” “Look Tony, she ain’t a preacher’s daughter, is she?” “A preacher’s daughter?!? What difference does it make?” “It makes a big difference. If she’s a preacher’s daughter, all bets are off. Ain’t no way José. You got that? You better find out Tony. I ain’t hooking up with no preacher’s daughter. That’s out. No preacher’s daughter, period, end of discussion. Get it, got it, good.” “All right already. I’ll find out before we go tonight, and I’ll call you at the barracks.” That night, I met Di Anzo and his future wife Susan and her friend Jean at Nichols Alley. One thing led to another and I wound up spending the entire night with Jean. I never really liked her though. As a result, I never saw her again after that night. Approximately Nine months later, I got a call from guess who? Do you give up? Yeah, I was surprised too. Jean told me she was pregnant, and I was the father. Naturally, I said, “Prove it. I want to see the kid. And I want a paternity test.” Cuz the first thing she wanted to talk about was getting married. But I wasn’t about that. Oh hell no. She had to play show and tell first. When she showed me the kid, I said, “Well, we can do the paternity test if you want but I’m pretty damn sure this isn’t my kid. Cuz ole Houdini here would have a hard-damn time changing skin tone to match mine. But he might be able to pull it off. Although, I seriously doubt it.” And that was how I avoided a shotgun wedding that could’ve been one helluva’n exercise in futility.
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