After previously being assigned to a painting detail in the barracks at Fort Benning, and narrowly escaping an assault and battery by Pvt. Winston with an entrenching tool, I had to have a few drinks to calm my nerves. I decided to visit my favorite watering hole, Nichols Alley. As luck would have it, it was Nichol (a play on nickel as in the coin) night at Nichols Alley. I decided to drink straight shots of Scotch whiskey because, where else can you get shots of whiskey for $.25? But alas, I drank too much. By the time I realized I drink too much, it was too late to do anything about it. So, I decided to walk (stumble) over to Someplace Else. When I got to Someplace Else, I was in luck. My biker friends were in town. I stumbled down the stairs and went inside. I found Chains at her favorite table, and I walked up and said hello to her. I mumbled, “Hey baby, what’s going on?” She looked at me, smiled, and said, “Hey sweet baby cakes, I thought you were working?” “I was, baby. But something happened and I got off early. So, I came downtown for Nichol night. I didn’t know you were going to be in town tonight, otherwise I would’ve come over here.” “Yeah. The boys were going to take a run down to Valdosta, but we decided to wait until the weekend so that you could come along. Wait. You said something happened? What happened? Something bad?” “Oh, not too bad. But bad enough. I was attacked by another soldier today. Do you know what an entrenching tool is? Well anyways, an entrenching tool is a little shovel about a foot and a half long that you can fold up and be put into a little pack to carry with you to dig little holes. This little shovel is made out of metal, and it is shaped like a spade. At the opposite end of the spade, it has a spear that you can use to break hard dirt. Anyway, the guy used one of these entrenching tools to attack me. But I managed to knock him down, and then I tried to drown him like a rat in a toilet until the cops came.” “Wait. You mean some bastard attacked you?” “Yeah. Pretty much. That’s about what happened.” “Did you get hurt, baby?” “No. Not at all. At least, not much. I guess my pride got hurt a little. And he took me by surprise a little. The guy was high on something. You know? That’s what really shocked me.” “Let’s go get the sonofabitch! Hey boys, drink up. We gotta go. We got a rumble with a dude who tried to hurt Demon.” “No. No. Relax, Chains. We can’t get to him. He’s locked up at Fort Benning in the CCF (Central Confinement Facility)…er jail. There is no way we can get to him. It’s not a question of finding enough donuts or attempting to bribe MPs. It’s not about that. There are too many guns on Fort Benning, and all of those guns would be pointed straight at us. Have you ever been to an arcade? Or to a county fair? If you have, maybe you’ve seen a booth that has a row of moving ducks, and a bunch of cork rifles or BB rifles or some kind rifles lined up on a counter. The object of the game is to shoot and knock over those ducks. But you see, those ducks are sitting ducks. They don’t fly and they can’t hide. So, if you can shoot worth half a damn, you’re going to hit some ducks. The point I’m trying to make here is we’d be those sitting ducks. Quack. Quack. Can you see that? Yeah. And all those rifles on Fort Benning would be aimed at us ducks, and they would be shooting. Except, the guns at Fort Benning wouldn’t be loaded with corks or BB’s. Oh, hell no! They would be loaded with something that would hurt a helluva lot worse. And at the end of it all, we’d all be a bloody mess. Is that what you want?” “Well, when you put it like that, I guess not. But it just makes me so damn mad to hear that someone tried to hurt my baby.” “I know, shnookums. But we’ll figure out something to get even. Okay? Maybe we can go and bust some windows in a few abandoned buildings. We can raise a lot of hell and make a lot of noise until someone calls the cops, and then we can bail. How does that sound?” “Hot damn, Demon! That sounds like an excellent plan. What do you say boss? How about we smash some windows and raise some hell?” The leader of the gang said, “That sounds like an outstanding plan. Drink up boys.” In a few minutes, we headed out of Someplace Else and roared out of the parking lot. We rode off to blow off all that steam of futility.
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