Previously, I posted briefly about knowing a Moroccan diplomat while I was stationed in Korea at the 5th Preventive Medicine Unit (PMU). I need to qualify that statement just a tad. The person I knew was actually the wife of a diplomat. She still had diplomatic credentials and thus had diplomatic status. But she was herself not technically a diplomat. Now that I’ve cleared that up, I can explain how I met her. Quite by accident actually. And if you believe that, I have some beachfront property for sale. The truth is much simpler than that. I met her one night and here’s what happened. I was headed to the King Club to drink a few beers. The King Club was in the heart of Itaewon-Dong, and it was my favorite watering hole for a few reasons. First, the waitresses were usually pretty friendly. One especially that I liked at the time was Miss Kim. Miss Kim also liked me for some reason that shall always remain a mystery to me. Second, the club usually had live music in the form of a band. The band was like a house band formed of a group that played there regularly. I got to know the members of that band quite well. Third, the club always played a mix of popular rock, disco, and dance hits. The music always attracted a good crowd of ladies. Fourth, the club had a pretty good-sized dance floor. A large dance floor meant there was plenty of room for people to dance and get to know each other. All in all, the King Club had a great atmosphere and was my kind of club. I think you can see why I was headed to the King Club. No, beer and women weren’t the only reasons. Well, okay. Maybe they were. But so, what? So, what if they were the only reasons? Sue me, I wasn’t married yet (at that time). Anyway, I never made it. To the King Club I mean. Why? That is an interesting question. I am not really sure. What I am sure about is what happened next. Two Korean women, neither of whom I knew, came up and grabbed a hold of me and started pulling on me in opposite directions. They both decided I was going with them. The problem was I was having none of it. I wasn’t going to go anywhere with either one of them. And the reason was simple. One looked like she had just crawled out of a garbage sewer, and the other wasn’t all that good looking. So, what I’m trying to tell you here is that neither of these two were women that you would send photos of back home to your folks. They were hot garbage. Anyway, they started arguing and fighting over who saw me first. And there I was caught in the middle of one helluva catfight. I had two angry alley cats clawing and fighting over me, and the worst part was I didn’t even know who they were. And talk about the absolute worst time for your superpower of invisibility to fail. Yeah. That was it. I could not make myself invisible to save my ass. And I really wanted to. Make myself invisible that is. It just wasn’t happening. Then, along came Susie. Who was Susie? Excellent question. I didn’t know who in the hell she was either. She was just this older lady that came along and saved my ass. She was sort of like the Great White Buffalo in that regard. You know. Just like the Great White Buffalo saving my ass, except it was a woman instead of a buffalo. How did she save my ass you might ask? Another excellent question. I’m glad you asked. Well, I was afraid things were going to get ugly between these two girls (alley cats). Ugly enough for the KNP (Korean National Police) to show up. That would not be cool. But my knight in tan satin showed up. That was even better. She casually walked up to me and asked, “Do you need help?” At first I didn’t know what to think or what to say. She had me at a loss. I was dumbfounded that she even walked up and spoke to me. Then she asked again, “I said, do you need help?” Here comes the duh moment. I asked the only thing I could think of, “Are you talking to me?” She looked at me and smiled and said, “Of course, I am you dummy.” Another duh moment. I asked another dumb question, “Do I know you lady?” “Not yet. But we can fix that as soon as we leave. We need to leave now. You should come with me. Let’s go.” I didn’t argue. I looked at the two crazy women fighting over something (the something possibly being me) and decided they probably wouldn’t notice that I was gone. Then, I turned to the lady and said, “All right. Let’s go.” She pointed the way up the alley as we rushed away. At the end of the alley, she ducked into a big apartment building and compound with diplomatic symbols marked on the fence. Since she was able to open the gate, I figured she knew what she was doing. But I did have questions. Lots of questions. Once we were inside the compound, she led me to one of the apartments and we went up to the roof. Once we were there, she started talking. She said, “My name is Susie and my husband is a diplomat with the Moroccan embassy. That is why you saw the flags and the diplomatic emblems on the gate.” I replied, “I was wondering about that. But I have a question. Why did you come and bail me out of that catfight down there?” “I come up here to the roof pretty much every night to watch people come up the hill to the King Club. I noticed that you come up here to the King club pretty regularly and I also noticed that you don’t leave very often with a lady. May I ask why?” “Well, I was hoping to get an answer on the catfight thing first.” “Please humor me. I am, after all, your elder.” “Yeah. I did notice the age difference.” “Is that a problem?” “Not for me it isn’t. I’m not even sure what we’re talking about yet. What are we talking about?” “You know. You and me. Together. As a couple.” “I didn’t know we were together as a couple. Are we? Together? As a couple, I mean.” “We can be. That’s what we’re going to talk about. But first I need a couple of answers. Okay?” “Okay. I got it. What do you want to know?” “First, what is your name?” “My name is Wright Masters.” “Second, why don’t you usually go home with a woman from the King Club?” “I am looking for a specific woman. And when I find her I’ll ask her to marry me.” “Oh. You are looking for a wife.” “Yes.” “Are you clean?” “Am I clean?!? What the hell kind of question is that?!? Of course, I’m clean. I take a shower every day.” “That is not what I meant. I meant; do you have any disease?” “Oh. No. Absolutely not. None. Why are you asking?” “I don’t want any disease. My husband is usually traveling back to Morocco but when he’s here he expects sex. I cannot have disease.” “What are you saying? Is that why you rescued me tonight?” “Sort of. I’ve been watching you for a while. You seem like you’re alone. And I’m alone up here. I thought maybe we could get together.” “So, if I got this straight, you want me to be your part-time lover. Am I right?” “Well, that seems like a rather crude way to put it but yes.” “Okay.” “Okay?” “I said, okay. Yes. When do you want to start?” “How about tonight?” “All right then.” So, I stayed the evening that night with Susie. And that is how I met the wife of a Moroccan diplomat. That night, I gained diplomatic immunity from a very troublesome catfight of futility.
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