I had finally relinquished my position as the Commander of the 305th Supply and Services Company. I had passed the guidon to the new company commander in a change of command ceremony, but I was not yet ready to assume my new role on the staff of the Eighth Army G4. I needed to cool my jets for a few days and catch up on some much needed rest and relaxation. My family also needed a break. As luck would have it, my First Sergeant At 305th Supply and Services Company was also planning to cool his jets and catch up on some rest and relaxation. So, we set off on a vacation to the sunny island of Guam. Just to clarify things, when I say we, I mean that my family and I and my First Sergeant all set off on this vacation adventure. We decided to use the low-budget method of transportation to get to Guam, which meant that we were all going to catch a Space-A (space available) hop aboard an Air Force cargo plane out of Osan Air Force Base to fly to Guam. Well, things didn’t go exactly as planned. We didn’t exactly catch a hop from Osan Air Force Base, Korea, to Guam. Oh hell no. We weren’t that lucky. I won’t rehash all of the particular details about the flight from Osan on Air Force Base, Korea, to Yokota Air Force Base, Japan, or the flight from hell, which was the flight from Yokota Air Force Base, Japan, to Anderson Air Force Base, Guam. Suffice it to say that the flight from hell was excruciatingly long and tedious. I for one could not wait for it to be over. The kids seemed to be having a great time. Well, of course. Why wouldn’t they? Kids can play anywhere. Shit. They can even play in the middle of a goddamn hurricane or some other natural disaster. Then be out there in the middle of that goddamn storm just playing away, oblivious to the mayhem and destruction occurring around them, not even aware that their very lives are at risk. And I must confess, I was guilty of the same kinda shit when I was a kid. I would play right through the middle of a tornado or a vicious thunderstorm or a wicked winter blizzard with my brothers and my friends, not even aware that my very life might be at risk. But back when I was a kid, it didn’t seem like my folks gave two shits about where I was during one of those vicious storms as long as I was not in the house bugging them. Oh yeah. Perish the thought that I should be in the house bugging them. That was a capital offense. My parents would kick us out of the house at daybreak and lock the damn doors to the house. And they would tell us not to come back until sundown. Don’t even bother to come back until sundown unless somebody was bleeding or dying. Preferably dying. And then, we damn well better not be crying wolf. Oh hell no. So, yeah, kids can play any damn where. And on the flight from hell, my kids were having a great time. When the flight from hell finally landed at Anderson Air Force Base, Guam, it was midmorning in Guam. Upon arrival at Anderson Air Force Base, Guam, the first order of business for me and my family was to locate and get to the officer guest quarters and check on the possibility of vacancy and room accommodations. I asked about a taxi service, and one of the local flight operations NCO’s knew the contact information for the local on and off base taxi service. He called a taxi for us, and the taxi took us to the officer guest quarters. I also learned that the dude who ran the taxi service also operated a car rental service, so I kept his contact information for later. After arrival at the officer guest quarters, I was informed that we couldn’t check in until 2 o’clock in the afternoon. We had at least four hours to kill and we couldn’t exactly carry our luggage everywhere we went with us. And we didn’t have anywhere to store our luggage while we went off exploring. Since it had been quite a while since everybody had eaten, we were getting quite hungry. There weren’t any fast food joints within quick walking distance of the officer guest quarters, so we had to scrounge for food. That proved to be rather easy to do. There were several kinds of fruit trees near the officer guest quarters, and there were a couple of coconut trees. We noticed that there were a few ripe coconuts laying on the ground. I figured, “How hard can it be to crack one of these coconuts?” Apparently, it’s pretty damn hard to crack a coconut, indeed, if you don’t know how to do it, and you’ve never done it before. I must confess, I didn’t know how to do it and I had never done it before. Total shock. I thought I could just slam the coconut hard against a rock. I figured that would bust it open. Nope. That didn’t even put a small fracture in the shell of that coconut. After trying to bust open a coconut for 45 minutes, I finally gave up. But my family and I did enjoy a snack of some other delicious fruits most of which we didn’t know what the hell they were. We would find out later during our vacation just exactly what those fruits were and how to crack open a coconut. But those are topics for another day. We ate some tropical fruits that we picked from the trees while we waited to check in to the officer guest quarters. When it was finally time to check in, we learned that the officer guest quarters had ample space available, and we were issued a guest quarters with a kitchenette and two bedrooms for the entire duration of our stay. When they told me how much I owed for the entire stay, I was in for a pleasant surprise. The cost of the guest quarters was only twelve dollars ($12) per night! After we checked in and put our luggage into our room, I called the taxi and rental car service to see about renting a car for the duration of our stay in Guam. The taxi guy came and picked me up and took me to his taxi stand and had me fill out some papers, and then he rented me the car that he had picked me up in for ninety-four dollars ($94). That ninety-four dollars ($94) was the entire cost of the car rental for the duration of our stay. Another pleasant surprise. I was really beginning to like this trip a whole lot. My family and I had accomplished everything we needed to accomplish upon our arrival in Guam. Now it was time to find someplace to eat. Our first day in Guam had gone off without any significant exercises in futility apart from that coconut.
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