When I was the commander of the 508th Maintenance Detachment at Fort Lewis, Washington, my parents and my brother Craig and his wife came out to visit me during the last week of August 1986. My parents never had any intention of visiting me. They had taken one look at me and they had passed judgment. On a recent deployment to Central America, my body had tanned really dark brown. Apparently I was too dark. I thought that they had come out to spend time with my family because my son Wright Junior had been born. Apparently I was wro…, wro…, not correct. Technically, my parents had come out to visit with me and my family, but they had really come out to visit my old man’s sister and her husband. That became painfully obvious the second day that they were in Tacoma. My old man demanded that I take him and my mom over to my aunt Pearl’s house. He wasn’t even making an attempt to hide the fact that they had come out here to visit Pearl and Leo when their stated purpose was to visit my wife, daughter, me and our new baby boy. I thought to myself, “Well, that’s just fine. You are the one missing out on cherished moments with your new grandson.” Apparently, my aunt Pearl didn’t feel so generous when it came to opening her house to my brother Craig and his wife. Go figure. Craig was, after all, my blood brother. He was a stepson to the old man just like me. Now, I’m not saying that my aunt Pearl, being the “good kind hearted” lady that she was, despised him as much as she despised me. But then again, if I were a betting man, and if you gave me 5 to 1 odds that she liked him, I would try to come up with at least $5 or $10,000 to put down on that bet. Cuz even though I’m not a betting man, that right there is a sucker’s bet. And I would be happy to take your money. I guess even rattlesnakes get tired of their own bullshit after a few days. Cuz a couple of days later, the old man called me up and said he wanted to cruise out to see the ocean. I guess either my aunt Pearl got sick and tired of my old man’s bullshit or he got fed up with her drinking and gambling. Six of one or half a dozen of the other, it doesn’t matter which. I knew sooner or later that something was going to give. Actually, he didn’t want to see the ocean, but my mom did. So, my brother Craig and his wife, my wife, and my kids all piled into my red Chevy van. That was the only vehicle I had that was big enough to carry everybody using just one vehicle. My wife and Craig’s wife made some sandwiches that we could eat at the beach for a picnic lunch. We were going to go to the beach for a lazy day beach romp. That sounded like a plan. I should have known that the old man had other ideas. Aberdeen, Washington, just happens to be on the way to the beach. My, isn’t that an interesting coincidence. There is just one teensy tiny little problem. I don’t believe in coincidences. We were well over half way between Olympia and Aberdeen when I got the first indication that something was up. The old man started getting awfully edgy and nervous. I asked him, “Is everything okay?” He replied, “I’m fine.” “You don’t look fine. You’re acting like a little kid that’s about to piss his pants. Are you sure you’re alright?” “Look God dammit. I told you I’m fine.” “You’re not fine. Now, I’m going to stop this car and you’re going to tell me what in the hell is going on. Cuz something is for damn sure going on. Are you getting sick?” “All right. All right. Goddamn you. If you must know, I want to stop at Betty and Darlene’s house.” “Your daughters?!? Did you even call first to see if they would see you? I mean, after what happened with Darlene when she came to live with you back in North Dakota, and how the whole divorce with your first wife went down, are you sure they’re willing to see you? Well, did you?” “Did I what?” “Call first, you moron. What the hell did I just ask you? Were you even listening to me? Oh wait. That’s right. You’re too stupid to listen to me. I already know the answer to my own question. No. No, you didn’t bother calling first. You’re just going to come barging right in hoping that they’ll open the damn door and welcome you in with open arms. Let me tell you something. That bullshit only happens on TV in soap operas.” “We’ll see.” “Yeah. We sure will.” When we got to Aberdeen, I looked up the address for my old man’s ex-wife’s house. Then, we cruised over there. I told him that he could go up to the door while we waited in the car. When he went up to the door and knocked, someone looked out the window, but nobody came to the door. I knew they were home because I saw somebody look out the window. But when they saw who was standing at the door, they pretended not to be home. I can’t say that I blame them. They didn’t want to see his sorry ass. That is why I had asked if he had called to ask if they would see him, first, before we ever showed up. I kind of suspected that they wouldn’t want to see him. But that is another story. Since it had become painfully obvious that Betty and Darlene were not going to see the old man, we decided to leave and continue on to the beach. We had after all, come for a beach romp. This was the first time in her life that my mom had ever been to the ocean. She wanted to collect a few seashells and walk through the sand barefoot. Like I said, it was a beach romp. I was so happy that I scooped my wife up like a newlywed groom picks up his new bride and carries her across the threshold. I carried my wife in that fashion with one arm under her legs and the other supporting her back while I was running around my parents to show them how happy I was. I figured that would help to put my old man into the proper mood. It didn’t. But all of the rest of us had a great time at the beach. The picnic went well, and I would have to grade the beach romp as a nine out of ten. The little unplanned side trip to visit Betty and Darlene had turned out to be an exercise in futility, but otherwise we had a great time that day.
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