There are a few times in a person’s military career when they are ecstatic beyond the ability for words to express how they feel when they are leaving a place. The shortest time I ever spent in one location, while in the military was at Fort Ord, California. I spent at least as much or more time at basic in Fort Lost in the Woods (Fort Leonard Wood), Missouri, as I did at Fort Ord. Yet, I was happier to leave Fort Ord than I was to leave Fort Lost in the Woods (Fort Leonard Wood). It’s strange how things worked out that way. But I was looking forward to attending calibration school in Denver. And now, I was headed there. I had my silver Dodge Omni all loaded up and ready to go. When we started to climb Donner Pass on Interstate 80, that worthless piece of shit car bogged down severely. I had to downshift into second, and we were traveling near the speed of sound at a whopping 15 miles per hour. We were positively zipping right along. It looked like other cars were standing still. Oh wait. It was our car that was standing still. It wasn’t so bad going up through Donner Pass because there weren’t that many lights. As a result, people couldn’t really make us out in the dark. However, when we repeated this abysmal performance in the Eisenhower Tunnel on Interstate 70 west of Denver, there were a helluva lot more lights. The silver streak ran a helluva lot slower. Somewhere down around 10 miles per hour and crawling slower. More lights meant more people were staring at us as we inched along. And we were thoroughly embarrassed, to say the least. It was that road trip that helped me to decide to unload that worthless chunk of plastic and aluminum. My family and I arrived in Denver and finally settled in the suburb of Aurora. I signed in to Lowry Air Force Base and reported to the Army detachment. The admin NCOIC of the Army detachment told me that since I was in NCO, I didn’t have to come to any formations. All I needed to do was to report to class each day. I had never had a duty day so easy before. Six hours of class and then you’re done for the day. That wasn’t really a duty day. I was thinking, “I could really learn to enjoy this.” The Commandant over at the Precision Measurement Equipment (calibration school) course asked me which shift I wanted. Since I had no concept of what a shift was, he explained the three shifts to me. He explained, “A-shift runs from 6:00 AM to 12:00 PM. B-shift runs from 12:00 PM to 6:00 PM. And C-shift runs from 6:00 PM to 12:00 AM. So, which shift do you want?” I replied, “I think I would like the A shift.” During the first week of class I met a Staff Sergeant whose name was Brian Trundle. Staff Sergeant Trundle and I talked during our first break, one day during class. Staff Sergeant Trundle explained, “I’ve been a communications equipment installer my entire career. I started out installing equipment in Vietnam. My wife is Vietnamese.” I replied, “I didn’t have such a storied past. I got sent to the infantry at Fort Benning because I wouldn’t jump out of airplanes. Then, I volunteered to go to Korea to get out of Fort Benning, and I was supposed to go to the infantry. But I wound up in a medical unit. I married a Korean lady, and my first Sergeant at the medical unit tried to screw me. So, I wound up in the 7th division at Fort Ord. Back in the infantry. That’s how I got here. Nice trip, huh?” “Yeah. I’ll say. Somebody must have really loved you. Hey. I just got an idea. Do you play video games?” “Video games? Can’t say as I do. But I’m willing to give it a go. Why?” “Well, do you drink Bacardi 151?” “You mean, the rum? Yeah. I love the stuff.” “Do you like jalapeno peppers?” “Well, I don’t eat them exclusively. But I do eat very spicy food. And I have been known to eat a jalapeno or two in my time.” “Great. How about, we get together Saturday night and play video games and drink 151 and eat jalapenos?” “You mean, for like shits and giggles?” “Yeah.” “That sounds like a plan to me.” So, I picked up a bottle of Bacardi 151 and a gallon jar of jalapeno peppers at the local flea market. Staff Sergeant Trundle gave me directions to his house. My wife, daughter, and I went over to his house that Saturday night. My wife and his wife hit it off right away. They went off into the kitchen to start sharing recipes and to start cooking up weird dishes. Brian and I sat in the living room and played video games on the Atari. He sucked but that was okay because I couldn’t play at all. Neither of us ever got past level one. I don’t think it really mattered. We weren’t about playing video games. It was all about drinking the 151 and eating jalapenos. You know, after you drink about a half a bottle of Bacardi 151, you don’t even taste the peppers. In fact, you don’t even realize how many of those damn things you’ve eaten until Monday morning during your first break. Yes sir. That’s when that shit hits you, literally. After you’ve had a couple of cups of coffee. That coffee tends to loosen up the pipes. And let me tell you, once those pipes are primed, there will be hell to pay. Have you ever heard the expression, explosive diarrhea? Bacardi 151 and jalapeno peppers is an explosive mix. One could even argue that it’s a near lethal mix. It causes eruptions that produce concussive blasts in the toilet. I don’t think I can make it any more vivid than that without a demonstration. So, you would think that once somebody experienced something like that once, they would say ‘never again’. No more. Kaput. Absolutely not. But not us. The very next week, we were at it again. We changed venues. This time we met at my house. But other than that, everything else remained the same. We even formed a study group to prep for examinations. And how do you suppose we prepped for examinations? We drank Bacardi 151 and ate jalapenos of course. I’m surprised you had to ask. There was never a bad time during our Saturday night get-togethers, Monday morning always ended in a latrine trip of futility.
by 
by 