If you have read my recent posts, you know that I have been discussing my family’s departure from Hawaii on our way to Tacoma enroute to North Dakota and the East Coast. I was ultimately headed to the East Coast to Fort Lee (now Ft Gregg-Adams), Virginia to attend the Logistics Executive Development Course. The stops in Tacoma and North Dakota were to visit relatives. That reminds me, I should probably tell you my theory of relatives sometime. Not now, but some other time. See, Einstein had his theory of relativity. Well, my theory is kinda like that. Only, my theory is about relatives. Kinda neat, huh? Oh yeah, the stop in North Dakota was also to retrieve my red Chevy van. Well, I have talked about our journey across the United States to get to Fort Lee, Virginia. We had some interesting exploits along the way and you can read about those exploits in some of my recent posts. After arriving at Fort Lee, Virginia, I spent some time in my most recent posts talking about finding a place to live. I mentioned in one post that we found a place in a trailer park in Petersburg. And I mentioned in that post my sentiments about the manager of that trailer park. But my family and I decided not to let that pickup driving, backwoods dwelling, varmint hunting, shotgun hauling trailer park manager interfere with our ability to get along and adapt to our new environment. Even though we were treated as if we were “other-colored” people, we learn to improvise, overcome and adapt. My son was getting along just fine and playing with his friends and time moved on. Well, as I said, time moved on. My family all got integrated into life at Petersburg and Fort Lee. Even I got accustomed to life at Petersburg and Fort Lee. My running routine began once more, I ran through those woods pretty much every evening after school without fail. And if you read my most recent post, you no doubt read about the orchestrated run that was thrown together by the cadre at the Logistics Executive Development Course. However, my most recent post didn’t talk about running at all. No. It talked about country briefs. From my last post, you no doubt know what a country brief is and what the subject of my country brief was. The class composition at the Logistics Executive Development Course was made up of some of the most elite officers in the United States Army and from Allied army officers from around the world. The senior cadre decided that they should appoint a US Army officer as a liaison officer to each foreign army officer. They decided that they should do this to assist with translation issues, to help with homework assignments, to assist with solving Logistics issues, and for general peacekeeping reasons. The cadre decided that only the top US officers academically would be selected to perform this liaison duty. No. It was not voluntary (more volun-told). They used a “hey-you” roster. If you’ve been in the military for more than a few days, you probably know what a “hey-you” roster is. If you don’t, you are quite fortunate. Sometimes the designee of the “hey-you” roster appointment can be the fortunate son because good things are bestowed upon him when he gets designated as the “hey-you” appointee. However, that rarely happens. Usually, the designee of the “hey-you” roster appointment becomes a shit-bird that gets frowned upon by the gods of paradise. And then there is hell to pay. The moral of the story is that you never want to be the designee of the “hey-you” roster appointment. Oh hell no. Well, when the bird of paradise flies up your nose and you’re it, you become one of the “hey-you” designees. Yay. Basically, that’s the same as getting shit on, only worse. How can that be worse? Come on! Use your imagination. Yeah. That’s how it can get worse. Well, I was selected as one of those “hey-you” designees. When the cadre called out my name, I thought, “Well, if I have to be a “hey-you” designee, I might as well ask to be the liaison officer for the foreign officer of my choice.” Right? Wrong. See, I wanted to be the liaison officer to the Korean army officer. My logic was that I knew some of the language, and I knew the country, and I had worked with Korean Army officers before. Well, I got shot down in a hurry. The cadre thought I should be the liaison officer to the Saudi Arabian Prince. What the hell were they thinking. First of all, I had never even been to the Middle East. Second, I had only seen pictures of camels. And I sure as hell didn’t know their language. How in the hell would I schmooze with an Arabian Prince? Well, as luck would have it, I schmoozed pretty well with him because he wanted help writing all of his English papers. Translated, that meant he wanted me to write all of his English papers. And what a prince wants, a prince gets. It wasn’t long before the Turkish Colonel attending the Logistics Executive Development Course got pretty pissed off that an American Captain was helping an Arabian Prince write his English papers. Technically, the American Captain was writing the English papers. Now, it turns out that the Arabians and the Turks don’t much love or even like each other. In fact, they have been blood enemies down through the centuries. And the cadre did not want to invoke an international incident at the Logistics Executive Development Course. So, it wasn’t very long before the cadre approached me and said that I needed to be the liaison officer for the Turkish Colonel as well. I asked them. The obvious question, “Why me?” Of course, they gave me a bullshit answer about keeping the peace and schmoozing both of the foreign officers at the same time. Translated, that meant I had to write papers for both the Arabian Prince and the Turkish Colonel. That was pure bullshit. I called that a double whammy (or being shat on twice). Did anybody listen to me? Oh hell no. They were too busy being happy that nobody was being killed or getting killed and that war was being averted because no international incidents were being invoked at the school. What the hell kind of horse shit was that (obviously the kind that landed on me not once but twice)? But I managed to get through that double whammy horseshit with no further exercises in futility.
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