Well, my days serving as the Commander of the 305th Supply and Services Company in the 227th Maintenance Battalion At Yongsan, Seoul, Korea, had come and gone. And my fantastic vacation to the island of Guam with my family had also come and gone. It’s funny how time flies when you are having fun. And it is also funny how time seems to drag on and on when you are doing something boring and mundane. If you recall my final act commanding the 305th, you will remember that I invited three general officers to my change of command. In fact, five general officers actually showed up for my change of command, three US Army general officers and two Republic of Korea Army generals. One of the three generals, the General Officer in charge of the Eighth United States Army G4 showed up because I was going to be working for him immediately after I left command and returned from Guam. Well, going by my more recent adventures, you should know that I had subsequently started working at the Eighth United States Army G4 and that the general that I went there to work for subsequently departed for a new assignment in the United States. Then the newly assigned general in charge of the Eighth United States Army G4 tried to whip all of us into shape with his new get-tough, physical training program and promptly died of a heart attack while demonstrating to us how out of shape we were. Things had then settled back down to a dull roar here at the Eighth United States Army G4. We were gearing up to take part in the Combined Forces Command (United States Forces Command, Republic of Korea Forces Command) exercise Ulchi-Focus Lens. The exercise was originally created by the Combined Forces Command in order to enhance ROK-US interoperability by training commanders and staffs from both nations in wartime planning, command-and-control operations, intelligence, logistics and personnel procedures necessary for the successful defense of the Republic of Korea. I know. I know. All of that sounds like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. And it is. Basically, it’s an excuse for a bunch of military people to go on temporary duty to Korea for two weeks on a boondoggle. Basically I gave you all of the important highlights of the exercise while speaking of my 12 hour night shifts previously. While I was on the staff of the Eighth United States Army G4, I also had time to relax and spend more personal time working out and relaxing with my family. In the evenings, when I was working out in the gym with my buddies, my wife would have me sort of babysit the kids while she took time to unwind with her friends. That was cool because my kids and my weightlifting buddies’ kids would generally play together right outside the gym. As a result, we could keep a collective eye on them. Over time, as I worked out with my weightlifting buddies, conversation gradually migrated toward conversation of running in the ‘Hash’. Talking about the Hash and Hash Runs is a very lame substitute at best for actually experiencing the Hash firsthand. Believe me I know. I allowed my prejudice based on hearsay and conjecture to form the opinion that all Hash House Harriers were just drunks that used Hash Runs as feeble excuses to get together and get drunk drinking beer or other assorted alcoholic beverages. But I found out that is not the case at all. Sure. Down-Downs do consist of your beverage of choice, including beer. And often, Down-Downs set out during a run in Korea along the Hash route included a clear liquid substance that looked like water. But let me tell you, that was where any similarity to water ended. That clear liquid substance was actually Soju and it packed one helluva punch. Usually, the hares would grab a glass of that clear liquid substance and slam it back in one swallow as if it was water, only to realize a few seconds later that it was not. Too late. The damage had already been done. No time to cry tears. Only time to cry, “On On,” and keep on running. After I had been running in the Hash for some time, long enough to get my own Hash Name, I started bringing my daughter to some hash runs as well. On the day that my daughter was to be named, I suspected that she grabbed one of those glasses of that clear liquid substance that looked suspiciously like water but wasn’t. I also suspected that she drank a little before she realized that it wasn’t water because it wasn’t long before she had an upset stomach. She had to stop along the route and pay a visit to a Port-a-potty. That was a bad omen for her because too many of the hares witnessed her stop at the Port-a-potty but did not witness her drink a small portion of the Soju Down-Down. When it came time to offer up suggested names for the new hare during the naming ceremony, I noticed a theme. Since she was my daughter, the other hares tried to come up with a name that generally loosely fit with my Hash name, Shitting Bull. Several of the hares pointed out that she had made a pit stop at the Port-a-potty. Naturally, the Hash settled on two names: Pitstop Princess and Porcelain Princess. As they had with me, they gave my daughter a choice. They asked her which name she would like. Of course, she chose Pitstop Princess because it didn’t sound so much like she hung out in the toilet. However, the Hash never gives you what you choose, so she was named Porcelain Princess. She was upset with her Hash name for a couple of weeks, but soon she got used to it and started to like it. I did not introduce my son to the Hash with the Yongsan Kimchi Hash House Harriers as he was too young. Instead, I introduced him to the Hash with the Huachuca Hash House Harriers but that is another story. With that aside my daughter grew to like her Hash name and she loved to run in the Hash, and we experienced no significant exercises in futility while running with the Hash.
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