Army Knee-Jerking – An Ode to Military Humor

Well, my days serving as the Commander of the 305th Supply and Services Company in the 227th Maintenance Battalion At Yongsan, Seoul, Korea, had come and gone.  And my fantastic vacation to the island of Guam with my family had also come and gone.  It’s funny how time flies when you are having fun.  And it is also funny how time seems to drag on and on when you are doing something boring and mundane.  If you recall my final act as the 305th commander, you will remember that I invited three general officers to my change of command ceremony.  In fact, five general officers actually did show up for my change of command, three US Army general officers and two Republic of Korea Army generals.  One of the three generals, the General Officer in charge of the Eighth United States Army G4 showed up because I was going to be working for him immediately after I left command and returned from Guam.  I was going to work for the General Officer in charge of the Eighth United States Army G4 because I had kind of worked for him while I was assigned to the Matériel Readiness Office under the Deputy Chief of Staff, Matériel, 19th Support Command, Camp Henry, Korea.  In reality, I had worked for multiple people while I held the position as the chief of the aforementioned Matériel Readiness Branch.  I had worked for the Deputy Chief of Staff, Matériel, 19th Support Command.  But I had also worked for the Chief of Staff, 19th Support Command, the Commanding General, 19th Support Command, and General Officer in charge of the Eighth United States Army G4.  One of my duties and responsibilities while I was assigned to the Matériel Readiness Office was to participate as a member of the Eighth United States Army Command Logistics Review Team.  After I reported for duty at Headquarters, Eighth United States Army G4, I was again assigned almost immediately to the Eighth United States Army Command Logistics Review Team.  As a result, I spent a lot of time out on the road  with the inspection team.  As a result, when I came back from one of my trips out on the road with the inspection team, I came back to a new General in charge of the Eighth United States Army G4.  Of course, the new General thought he was the commander in chief or God or some shit and treated all of us like privates instead of the senior officers and NCOs that we were.  Revisiting some of the history the G4 had with this new general and his absurd policies on physical training runs is absolutely crucial to understanding why the sorry sonofabitch dropped dead of a heart attack immediately after the first physical training run in which he actually joined with us to participate.  Also, you may gain some insight into why I felt guilty about his heart attack and subsequent death.  However, the entire Eighth Army staff later learned that the general had a physical training waiver that strictly forbade him from running due to a previous heart attack.  Simply put, he should have known better.  But he was trying to be a man and prove something to us.  I am just not sure what that was.  And, after his death, the Eighth Army Command group introspectively started to examine all of its policies concerning physical training, especially physical training for personnel over forty years old and for personnel on physical profiles (specifically those personnel on profile for medical conditions).  As a result, the Eighth Army Command group declared a moratorium on all physical training events until they concluded their re-examination of the physical training policies.  But to me this seemed just like any other response.  It was too little too late.  It was a knee-jerk reaction to a tragic event that could have been prevented if only the policies that were in place had been enforced.  But no.  That would have been too damn easy.  Instead, they went overboard and overreacted as they always do in situations such as this.  This was a typical Army reaction to a tragic situation.  But it didn’t have to be this way.  Sure, there had been a time before the over-forty-years-of-age physical training standards had been enacted that an occasional death occurred due to a heart attack after a particularly stressful physical training run for a particularly out-of-shape soldier who happened to be over forty years old.  I had been in units before and after physical training standards were enacted for personnel over forty years old.  I remembered back to scenarios where commanders in both situations dealt with soldiers over forty years old in both situations.  The policies worked if they were enforced.  However, it is when policies were not enforced and a tragic death occurred, such as the one that occurred with this general, that high command always panicked.  The result of that panic was always a knee-jerk reaction to that tragic event that had wide ranging and lasting effects.  But for me it had no effect because I had to continue to train for an upcoming temporary assignment to the Combined Arms and Services Staff School At Fort Leavenworth, Kansas.  Thus, even though the general’s death had caused a significant exercise in futility for the entire Eighth Army Command, it had not significantly affected me.

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