Last night, was the infamous “nichol night” at Nichol’s Alley in Columbus, Georgia. I spent most of the day looking forward to the evening and the five-cent beer. But it was not my day. Why did Wednesday always have to be the day that shit just went to hell in a hand basket. And yesterday, was that day. It was late when I finally got downtown to Nichol’s Alley so I just drank straight shots of Scotch whisky. I don’t remember last call for alcohol. I definitely don’t remember driving back to Fort Benning. And I damn sure don’t remember crawling into bed last night. Yet, this morning, I woke up in my barracks. But apparently, God, or my Guardian Angel (I’m not really sure which) drove me home because here I am. And, NO ONE, but no one drives my car except me, and, of course, God. So, I went out to the parking lot to fetch something out of my car. What the hell? Where the hell is my car? Cars don’t just disappear. But it was nowhere to be found in the parking lot. I really couldn’t remember a whole lot about the night before after I got downtown. You know. Little details like how did I get back to post. Who did I let drive my car? That sort of thing. But I always parked my car in the same spot in the parking lot. It was kind of a ritual. So where was my car today? No clue. My answer came about a half hour later. I got a call from the company orderly room to report to the commander. Great. Now what? I went down to the orderly room and reported to the commander. He asked, “How are you doing, PFC Masters?” I really didn’t think he wanted to know. He looked kind of pissed off. “I’m fine, sir,” I replied. He said, “Look out that window right there, would you.” Not a request. So, I did. “Now, describe for me exactly what you see sitting in the parking space right outside that window.” I should mention that the parking space in question was reserved for the company commander. “Well, sir, it’s like this. I think we both know it’s my car. Isn’t that why you called me in here?” “Ok, Pvt Masters.” He had stopped calling me PFC. That wasn’t a good sign. He was surprisingly calm at first. But that’s how it usually is in the eye of the storm. “Kindly explain to me exactly how your car wound up in my parking spot.” “Sir, I was too drunk to drive last night and the guy that drove me home probably parked it there as a prank to get me in trouble.” Was he buying the bull? Nope. No sirree. He immediately started ripping me a new one. “Now, get the hell out of my office and move that damn car before I have it impounded and have you busted all the way down to Pvt e-nothing.” I practically ran out of the orderly room and chocked that whole experience up to another exercise in futility. But I guess I knew subconsciously that my best work was yet to come as a commander.
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