When I served as the Commander of the 305th Supply and Services Company in the 227th Maintenance Battalion At Yongsan, Seoul, Korea, the company passed several major tests and milestones. And the company picked up new missions without skipping a beat. Oh, and I managed to get fired and rehired to my job as commander not once, not twice, but three times. My most recent firing came at the 501st Support Group Officer Professional Development (OPD) class, which was held at the 501st Support Group headquarters in Uijeongbu, South Korea. However, the reason that I got fired the third time turned out to be the pettiest of all of the excuses that my senior rater used to fire me. If you have been following along with my recent stories, you are aware, most likely, that the reason my senior rater fired me was because my lieutenants and I drove to his OPD rather than taking a bus. Forget the fact that the bus was over a half hour late when I decided to infiltrate his OPD by driving. But my sorry ass sonofabitch senior rater would have fired me if I had waited and taken the bus because then I would have been late to his OPD. That would have still been my fault as well. Thus, the sonofabitch would have fired me anyway. That was one of those damned if you do and damned if you don’t situations. I was way ahead of him on that score. I knew how that game was going to be played. What I didn’t know was that the sonofabitch would call me out in front of the entire assembled cadre of officers in the 501st Support Group. I also didn’t know what would happen after I walked out of his bullshit OPD. Every one of my lieutenants walked up to the Group Commander and called him out. The most outspoken of my lieutenants, Lieutenant Stevens, spoke for the rest of my assembled lieutenants and insisted that either the Group Commander fire them all or they would all quit. Apparently, the Group Commander either thought they were bluffing or he was too stupid to realize how loyal to me that they were. Either way, he told them that his decision would stand, so my lieutenants all walked out. They said, “What in the hell is he going to do? Fire us all? Fine. And they walked out right behind me. Right about that time, the bus carrying all of the Battalion officers arrived. The Battalion Commander walked up to me and asked me, “Wright, what are you and all of your lieutenants doing outside?” I replied, “Well, Sir, I am outside because I don’t work for Colonel Gross anymore. He just fired me. Since I don’t work for him, I’m not attending his silly ass OPD. I got more important shit to do. As for my former lieutenants, I’m not really sure why they’re out here. Perhaps you better ask them.” So, the Battalion Commander asked my lieutenants, “Guys, why are you out here instead of in the auditorium at the OPD?” Lieutenant Stevens replied, for the group, “Sir, the Group Commander fired Captain Masters in front of everybody in the auditorium, so we told him he either had to fire us all, or we quit. Well, he didn’t believe us, so here we are. We walked out. We quit. He can fire our asses too.” “No. No. No. You can’t solve problems this way. God dammit. I’ll go in and sort this out and fix it. Don’t any of you go anywhere.” I spoke up, “Uh, Sir. Not that it matters, but it is kinda cold out here. I don’t want my lieutenants and me to just be standing around chilling our asses off for a while. Okay?” The Battalion Commander went inside and was gone about five minutes. He came back with the Group Commander. The Group Commander walked up to me and said, “Captain Masters, I am sorry if I caused you any embarrassment. You know, I wouldn’t fire you for something as small as driving to the OPD. But you do understand why I wanted everybody to ride the buses, don’t you?” I replied, “Yes Sir. Economy of force. The problem in this case was that the bus was over a half hour late. I made a command decision to ensure that my lieutenants would arrive at your OPD on time. The only way I could do that was by driving.” “Do you know that every one of your lieutenants was willing to jeopardize their careers for you?” “Well, I have taught these lieutenants well and I have instilled the tenets of leadership into them. But I am not sure if any of those tenants specifies that my lieutenants should fall on their swords for me. I’ll have to check on that.” “Well guys, do you have anything to say?” Lieutenant Stevens chimed in, “Sir, my commander trained me well. I would follow him anywhere. I would even take a bullet for him.” “Captain Masters, did you just hear that?” “Yes Sir, I did.” “What do you have to say for yourself?” “Well, it’s like Lieutenant Stephen said, I train my lieutenants well.” “You know. You’re a pretty good commander, Captain Masters. But you sure are full of bullshit. And that is the biggest load of bullshit that I have ever heard.” Then, all of my lieutenants chimed in and said, “But it’s absolutely true, Sir. Captain Masters is one helluva leader and a trainer.” “So, you would all fall on your swords for this guy?” “If we had to, yes sir.” “Then I guess I better keep your commander around. Captain Masters, please rejoin my OPD.” “Does this mean I am not fired.” “I thought we already established that.” “No, Sir. You never said the words.” “God dammit, Wright. You can be such a pain in the ass. You are not fired. Now can we go inside?” “Not just yet, Sir. What about my lieutenants?” “What about your lieutenants?” “Well, are they not fired as well.” “Jesus H. Christ.” “Uh, Sir. I don’t think Jesus had a middle name.” “What?!? What in the hell are you talking about? Never mind. Of course, they are not fired. Now can we go inside?” “Getting kinda cold aren’t you?” “Smart ass.” As we walked back into the auditorium for the OPD, my lieutenants and I realized that we had avoided one helluva exercise in futility.
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