I had handled the transition into my role as the chief of the Matériel Readiness Branch in the office of the Deputy Chief of Staff, Matériel, 19th Support Command, Camp Henry, Korea, with ease. My Guy Friday, Master Sergeant Milton Peterson, was my NCOIC. He and I had blended together as a finely honed, well, working team. But some things did not change. For example, I was still taking all comers who were willing to pay my price to pull their staff duty in the command bunker. For me, paid staff duty had become a money for nothing gig. I knew exactly what to do and when to do it so that I could get an optimum amount of sleep each night that I pulled staff duty. I also kept a backpack packed with snacks and a lunch that I could eat while I pulled staff duty. I had become such a fixture as the command staff duty officer that the 19th Support Command Chief of Staff would routinely stop by my office to ask if I was pulling duty that evening. I think he felt more at ease knowing that I was handling the duty because I had handled just about every type of situation that could be thrown at a staff duty officer. He knew that I wouldn’t call him up just to wake him up in the middle of the night unless it was a true emergency. That wasn’t always the case with some of the greenhorns pulling staff officer duty. There was one little instruction in the staff duty officer handbook that read something to the effect that, “When in doubt, if the staff duty officer is unsure of what action to take, he or she should call the 19th Support Command Chief of Staff for guidance.” I must admit that pulling staff officer duty at the 19th Support Command wasn’t exactly my first rodeo. No. It wasn’t that kind of rodeo. I didn’t rope cattle. I didn’t ride wild Broncos or pissed off bulls for eight seconds, while clowns were running around trying to look goofy. And I sure as hell didn’t wrestle cows to the ground and hogtie them in an attempt to win a contest. Yeah. No. I didn’t do none of that shit. Oh, hell no. But I had pulled staff officer duty in a major command before. So, I kind of had a pretty good idea what constituted an emergency. For example, if the general’s house was on fire, that was probably an emergency. If some sorry ass private got his ass thrown in jail, there was some gray area open for interpretation. My interpretation was that the sorry ass bastard could just sit his ass in jail until morning, at which time I would coincidentally mention in passing to the Chief of Staff in my out briefing that there was a private sitting in lockup waiting to be signed out by his unit commander. The first time I did something like that, the Chief of Staff asked me if I had notified the unit commander. I said that I didn’t think that the unit commander wanted to be woken up from a nice wet dream of his girlfriend to be told that one of his soldiers was in lockup. I said that would be a very bad way to ruin a perfectly good wet dream and a good night’s sleep. Then I would ask if I was wrong for thinking that way. Of course, the Chief of Staff would not fault my logic, he would only say that I should perhaps call the commander and let him know that one of his soldiers was in jail. And he would usually shake his head as he was walking away. I was never sure what in the hell all of that was all about. You know. The shaking of the head thing. But being a good Captain, I just gaffed it off as the quirks of a senior officer. The Chief of Staff asked me why I pulled duty for other people so often. My answer was simple. I told him that my wife had some very expensive tastes when it came to jewelry and clothing. Those were things that I could not give her when we were first married. I was trying to make up for it now. I also liked to take my wife to nice cultural events like the ballet, Korean cultural exhibits, and Korean historical locations. Those were also things that we didn’t do the first time I was in Korea. I also wanted to be able to use my accrued leave to go to places like Cheju-Do or Jeju-Do or Jeju Island. In one record week stretch, I pulled staff duty five out of seven days. The Chief of Staff asked me if I ever slept during one of our conversations. I responded, “Of course, Sir. I sleep on the bus to and from work when I go home to shower in the morning.” He replied, “On the bus?!? What in the hell kinda bus is that?” “The normal kind. You know. The kind that hauls people.” “Come on. I think you know what I meant. Is it an American bus where you can sit down, or is it a Korean bus where you have to stand the whole time?” “Oh. I see what you meant. Yeah. It’s a Korean bus packed to the gills like a sardine can. You know. The kind of sardine can where, when you open the cover, some of the oil spills out because it’s jammed so full. That kind of Korean bus.” “How in the hell can you sleep on one of those buses?” “Well, it’s pretty easy Sir. First, you get on the bus and you walk toward the middle where all the people are. Second, you let a whole bunch of Korean people pack in around you because that’s what they like to do with Americans. They like to treat Americans like the sandwich meat in a sandwich or like the peanut butter and jelly in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Then, you just let the Koreans hold you up while you fall asleep. It works like a charm.” With that, the Chief of Staff just shook his head and walked away. There he went with that headshaking thing again. I was seriously going to have to ask him about that headshaking thing. Maybe he was developing a nervous tic or early-onset Parkinson’s disease or something like that. You never could tell. Anyway, my money for nothing staff duty racket was working pretty well, and I didn’t usually even have to worry about any exercises in futility.
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