New Car Plan – An Ode to Military Humor

My wife had been driving her Ford Maverick for quite a while, so I thought she liked the car.  But one day out of the blue, she came up to me and said, “I want a new car.  I don’t want another used car.  I want a new car.”  Her statement really surprised me.  A new car could potentially set me back some serious cash.  The last time I checked, car dealers weren’t exactly giving away new cars.  However, I told her that I would start looking for a new car.  The following weekend, we went out and started visiting various dealers.  The first day turned out to be pretty much a bust.  Most of the cars that we looked at were either too expensive, too big or both.  At least, I was happy about one thing.  My wife demonstrated that she didn’t want to bankrupt me.  On the other hand, finding a new car for her might be a little bit more difficult than I thought.  After all, she was pretty fussy about things.  I will say this, when she was young, she was fussy about a lot of things.  Things such as the size, the cost, and how easy something was to use.  But as she got older she got a whole lot pickier.  For example, if we were to go out and buy her a new car now, that new car would have to be a pale yellow or some shade of yellow.  No other color would do.  No sir.  Don’t even talk about it.  The car would still have to be small and easy to use.  But the new car now would have to have remote keyless entry and start, failsafe systems to prevent you from locking your key in the car, walking away from your car without putting it into park and turning off the engine, and alarms to notify you when you are getting too close to things when you are backing up or on your sides.  Cars are pretty intelligent now.  They have a lot of remote sensors.  But those remote sensors are only available options on some models, not on all models.  And they are by no means, standard equipment.  Some features are standard equipment on some models and not on others.  So, you have to be careful when you’re shopping for cars today.  But back when she was young, we didn’t have to worry about all those things, and she hadn’t yet refined her tastes and desires in cars quite so much.  Cuz tastes and desires turn into demands when it comes to buying a new car or some other product.  Men, if you think I’m kidding or making this up, just go ahead and get married and test my theory.  You’ll find out right quick and in a hurry that it’s not a theory.  It’s the gospel according to Saint Wright.  Well, the long and short of it was that the first weekend of car shopping pretty much turned into a bust.  We didn’t find a car that was suitable.  Cuz we were not going to trade anything in to buy the new car.  Oh no.  My wife had a plan for the Maverick.  She just didn’t clue me in on the plan.  In the beginning was the plan.  And the plan was without form or substance.  And the plan was not shared, but she said the plan was good.  When I beheld the plan, I thought that it smelled a little like shit.  But hey, who am I to argue with a plan that my wife comes up with.  Here’s another golden rule for guys, wives are always right.  Therefore, their plans are always the best laid plans.  Always.  Even if you think the plans smell like shit.  They are still great plans.  So, when she finally clued me in on her plan for the Maverick, even though I was less than thrilled with the plan, I went along with it.  Why?  I love my wife.  She said, “I’m going to give my car to my sister.”  A little background here.  She started out with two sisters.  Her older sister died rather unexpectedly, and her younger sister had recently moved to the United States.  So, my wife’s plan was to give the Maverick to her younger sister and to get a new car for herself.  That was the plan.  It’s great when you have the full picture.  Fast-forward to weekend number two of car hunting.  We decided to go to the GMC dealer to see what they had available.  When we got to the sales floor, the sales manager approached me and asked me what we were looking for.  I explained that we were looking for a new car that wasn’t going to set us back too much money and that wasn’t too big.  He said he thought he had something in the inventory as a dealer demo that might be just what we were looking for.  He disappeared and was gone for what seemed like an hour or so but was probably only 15 or 20 minutes.  Then he finally came back.  He approached us and said, “I found the car that I was thinking of and I’m having the service department clean it up a little.  Then they’ll bring it around.  Could I get you something to drink while you’re waiting?”  I replied, “I would like some water and I think my wife would like some too.”  “Sure.  I’ll have someone get that for you.”  A little while later he told us that the car was ready for us to look at.  It was a 1983 grey Pontiac T1000 that had been used as a dealer demo.  The car had a little over 5000 miles on it.  I asked the guy how much money he had to have in order to sell it.  He gave me a bunch of sales doubletalk about the MSRP and the dealer prep and destination charges equaling a total of $7445.  I said, “I understand all that.  But you drove the car for 5000 miles.  Basically, it’s no longer technically new.  To me, that car is a used car so you can throw away that dealer prep and the destination charge and knock a little bit off the original MSRP.”  He replied, “Well, what do you have in mind?”  “I was thinking that if I give you cash money, that has to carry more weight than a financed deal.  And assuming my wife likes that car, we could finalize a deal today.  So, I think a cash offer of $5000 is reasonable.”  “No.  We have to have at least $5400.”  “You’re basically asking for full MSRP on a car that you drove for 5000 miles.  If you’d driven it for 300 or 400 miles, maybe.  But 5000, no way.  Let me talk to my wife for a minute.”  I walked off a-ways with my wife and asked her what she thought of the car.  She asked me if she could drive it.  I said that I didn’t even want her to drive it until I could get him to agree to a price.  I said we should probably pretend to walk out.  We went back over to the sales manager and said, “I talked it over with my wife and we’re going to walk.  We don’t like your price.  We thought we made a fair offer, and it seems that you don’t like it.”  We turned and started to walk out the door.  The sales manager shouted after us, “Wait-a-minute.  Let me take your offer to the general manager.  I’ll be back in a few minutes.”  The sales manager disappeared into the back for about 10 or 15 minutes.  He came out a while later with an older gentleman who he introduced as the general manager.  The general manager told us we had a deal for $5000 cash money.  I asked them if my wife could take the car out and drive it down South Tacoma Way for a few blocks.  They said that would be okay and made the arrangements.  After my wife test drove the car, she told me she wanted it.  When the dealership sold me the car, they gave me a three-year, 36,000-mile warranty and free maintenance that included oil changes for four years.  I thought that was one helluva deal.  I didn’t have to pay anything extra for that warranty or that maintenance program.  My wife got her new car without the hassle or run around associated with an exercise in futility.

by

by