When I was stationed at Lowry Air Force Base in Denver, Colorado for the Precision Measurement Equipment (calibration technician) course, my wife thought that I spent way too much money. I have always been what shrewd money managers call frugal and what other people call cheap. I think that cheap is such a harsh word. It conjures up such bad images in my mind. Visions of Ebenezer Scrooge come to mind, for example. Mister Scrooge was the ultimate penny pincher. Another guy that comes to mind is the Grinch. Anybody that would attempt to steal Christmas from little kids has got to be just plain despicable. You look up all sorts of words to describe cheap in the dictionary and you should see his face next to them. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that both of those guys turn into good guys at the end of the story. True enough. Good old Ebenezer is scared shitless by some ghosts (allegedly) into becoming a good guy. Likewise, the Grinch has a change of heart at the end of the story because stealing all of the decorations and gifts didn’t stop the Who’s from celebrating Christmas. I don’t put myself into the same category as Ebenezer Scrooge or the Grinch. However, I admit that I am very conservative when it comes to managing my money. So, when my wife got this weird notion that I was spending way too much money, I thought that she was just a little bit outta line. But like it or not, she had that idea firmly etched into her mind. To give you an idea of just how deeply she had this notion etched into her mind, she had me go downtown to the center of Denver so that she could show me Denver’s homeless population. The whole point of that drill was that she said, “If you keep spending money the way you are, our whole family will be like them. We’ll all be homeless. We’ll be living on the street.” But the whole time we were living in Denver, we were always involved in some kind of money-making scheme. For example, my wife worked part time in a daycare center. Later, she switched to cleaning the officer’s billets at Lowry Air Force Base for a better salary. I previously posted about how I even went out and got a part-time job working at a department store. But my wife wanted to set a good example for our daughter. She told me in no uncertain terms, “Do you know how much money they pay you for recycled cans and bottles in this state? They pay a lot of money. I want you to start collecting empty bottles and cans out of trash cans to recycle.” So, my daughter and I would spend our spare time going around to parks and alleys behind stores checking dumpsters and trash cans for empty bottles and cans. After we had filled a few plastic garbage bags, we would take the empty bottles and cans to a recycling center to collect the money. We were actually making a pretty sizable chunk of change on this enterprise. One evening we were out close to the airport going through a dumpster collecting bottles and cans, and a guy noticed us going through the dumpster. I’m not sure exactly what he thought of us. Maybe he thought we were destitute. Maybe he thought we were hard luck cases living on food stamps. I really don’t know what he thought. The point is, the guy came up to me and said, “Hey fella, if you wait here a few minutes, I’ll be right back. I have a few bottles and cans at my house. I’ll get them and give them to you.” True to his word, the guy left and came back a few minutes later with a garbage bag full of cans and bottles. He gave them to me and said, “I hope this helps you out.” I really didn’t know what to say other than, “Thanks a lot Mister.” After he left, my wife looked at me and asked, “Did that guy think we were homeless?” I replied, “I think so. Either that or that we were destitute food stamp cases.” “Let’s get out of here before people start to think that we’re homeless beggars.” “Well, just remember this whole thing was your idea. But considering that we are driving the Rambler and we ain’t exactly dressed in our Sunday go-to-church finest, I can see how people might get the idea that we are down on our luck.” Well, until I got my part-time job working in the department store, my daughter and I spent a lot of time collecting empty bottles and cans so that we could recycle them. Homeless recycling was, after all, just another exercise in futility forced upon us by my wife.
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