I loved the Fiat spider 2000 that I acquired and drove while I lived in Tacoma, Washington when I was stationed at Fort Lewis. For the duration of time that I had that vehicle, it became my go-to vehicle for transportation. It was my go-to vehicle unless I needed to get a load of wood or I needed to haul something, or I needed to move something. If I had a situation where I needed to get a load of wood, haul something, or move something, then I would use my van. Otherwise, that Fiat spider was my go-to vehicle. There was a Dunkin’ Donuts on the way to work and I would generally pull in there to buy a few donuts just in case. Go ahead and ask. I’m waiting. There it is: just in case of what? That was the question I was waiting for, by the way. Answer: just in case Johnny Law decided to pull me over. You know. For shits and grins. Others may say ‘for shits and giggles’. Six of one half a dozen of the other, it’s all the same. The point is, sooner or later, Johnny Law was going to pull me over. Cuz certain cars are donut magnets. They just can’t help it. When they come off the factory floor, they are born donut magnets. The factory may as well put a big sticker on the back that says, I’M GUILTY, GO AHEAD AND PULL ME OVER. That Fiat spider was one of those types of cars. One Saturday afternoon, I was driving to downtown Tacoma to attend a graduation ceremony for my college graduating class from Southern Illinois University. As usual, I had taken the Fiat spider because of its maneuverability and ease of parking (speed). And as usual, I had stopped to stock up on some donuts at the local Dunkin’ Donuts store. A couple of Tacoma’s finest donut patrolmen were 10-7 (out of service), when I went in to make my purchase. Well, I guess even hungry cops have to eat sometime. But donuts? Hmmm… I bought my selection of donuts and headed out. I made it most of the way across town without incident. I thought I was home free. I took Highway 16 out to the Union Avenue exit. I was headed to the University of Puget Sound. That is where the graduation ceremony was going to be held. When I exited onto North Union Avenue, I slowed down to 25 miles per hour until I saw a speed limit sign posted, because I didn’t want to take any chances. The posted speed limit was 35 miles per hour. Even with that posted speed limit, I saw the all too familiar circular cherry bombs glowing in my rearview mirror. I thought to myself, “What in the hell did I do this time?” Notice that I said this time. It’s not like this hadn’t happened before. It’s not like I was in virgin territory. I prayed that I got a physically fit cop who had just made an error in judgment and realized it. After a couple minutes went by and the cop was still struggling to get out of his car, I realized I didn’t have that kind of luck. WhenLawful T. Donut finally lifted himself out of the patrol car, the patrol car heaved a huge metallic sigh of relief as its springs released their tension. Lawful T. Donut waddled over to my car and said, “I need to see your driver’s license and vehicle registration. Wait a second. Are those Dunkin’ Donuts sitting on the seat over there?” I looked at the officer and replied, “Yes sir, Officer Donut. I bought those fresh about a half hour ago.” “If you don’t mind my asking, why do you have donuts this late in the afternoon?” “Well, officer, occasionally I mistakenly get pulled over when I’m driving because police look at the wrong car and they think it’s me that is speeding when it might be a Toyota. It’s an honest mistake. It could happen to anybody. But it usually seems to happen to me. So, I just carry a distraction with me. Some people have a blonde-haired, blue-eyed bomb-shell distraction. I don’t have that. Thus, I carry Dunkin’ Donuts. Do you like donuts, officer?” “Why yes I do. I like them very much.” “Would you like to have my donuts, officer?” “Oh, I couldn’t take your donuts. It wouldn’t be right. I should just cite you.” “Actually, I insist that you take these donuts, officer. It would give me great pleasure to make you happy, and I know that these donuts would make you happy. This seems like a win-win. What do you think?” “Well, if you insist?” “Oh, I do. I do insist.” “All right. It’s settled then. Give me the donuts, and next time keep the speed down.” “Yes sir, Officer Donut.” I barely made it to the graduation on time because I was saved by the donuts. Had I not stopped to buy some donuts my trip to the graduation ceremony could have been an exercise in futility.
by 
by 