Hanging with the Band – An Ode to Military Humor

During the early months of my first assignment to Korea, I spent a lot of time rushing back to Yongsan in time to make it through the gate before curfew.  Sometimes, I stayed out too late and the clock would get the better of me.  At those times when I realized that there was no way I would make it back to Yongsan in time for curfew, I had to come up with an alternate plan.  Once I met the lady from the Moroccan embassy, things got a whole lot easier in that regard, whenever she was sitting up on the roof looking down at the passersby.  I knew what to look for.  It was those times when she wasn’t there, that I was in trouble.  During those times, I didn’t have an escape plan.  Sure, you could say that Kim, the waitress from the King Club, provided me an edge.  And that would be true to an extent.  That would be true, whenever she wasn’t playing her cat and mouse games.  However, too many times, she was all too willing to play the cat and mouse games.  Then, something miraculous happened.  One night when Kim was playing her cat and mouse games with me, we were both caught out in the cold at curfew.  That night the King Club band had come to our rescue.  What I didn’t know then was that the King Club band took an interest in me.  The guitarist in the band asked me if I was going to be in the club the following night.  I told him that most likely I would be there.  He said if I was, that I should stop by between sets to talk with them.  I said okay.  The next night, I had to take the long way around to get off post because Miss Lee, an old acquaintance of mine that I didn’t want to run into, was outside the gate.  Ah the things we do to avoid embarrassing situations.  I sat down at the King Club and started nursing a beer just as the band was wrapping up a set.  I had remembered my conversation from the previous evening with the guitarist, so I picked up my beer and headed toward the back door.  Both the guitarist and the drummer were outside smoking a cigarette.  I walked up and said hello and shook hands with both of them.  The guitarist asked me, “You stay at the barracks?”  I replied, “I do most nights.”  “You don’t stay with lady?”  “No.  Not usually.  Unless it is a specific woman.”  “Why?  The King Club has many beautiful women.”  “Yeah.  But I’m looking for a particular beautiful woman.”  “Okay.  You come here when the club close.”  “You mean at curfew?”  “Yes.”  “Okay.”  So, I stayed at the King Club until closing, then I went and waited by the back door to the club.  Right before curfew, the back door opened, and the guitarist let me in.  The guitarist asked me to help him put together a set list.  I was shocked.  I said, “Seriously?  You want me to help you put together a set list.  Why?”  The guitarist replied, “You know what kind of music American G.I. likes.  Maybe you know some dance songs too.  We need a mix that we can play.”  So, I thought back to my days listening to great music sets at Nichols Alley in Columbus, Georgia.  I thought a good music set would combine some of those elements.  I thought about songs like The Strut and Old-Time Rock ‘n Roll by Bob Seger, I thought about Stayin’ Alive, You Should Be Dancing, Night Fever, Jive Talkin’, and how deep is your love by the Bee Gees, and Get down Tonight, Shake Your Booty, That’s the Way and Boogie Shoes by KC and the Sunshine Band.  We brainstormed together and came up with what we thought was an eclectic set list of songs for the band to play.  I asked, “Are you sure you can play all of the songs on this list?”  The guitarist answered, “Sure.  No problem.  We number Hana (Korean for one) band.”  “Well, all right then.  But I gotta tell you, that sounds like number Hana bullshit.”  All of the members of the band burst out laughing.  The guitarist said, “You are number Hana G.I.”  I replied, “I don’t know about all that.  Many Korean women said, “I’m number 10 G.I.”  That caught another burst of laughter from the band.  The drummer pointed at me and said, “You are number 10 G.I.”  I replied, “Yeah.  I just said that.  You’re two days late to the party.”  “Party?  What party?”  Then, the guitarist explained to the drummer in Korean that being two days late to the party was just an expression meaning that he was just repeating old information.  He told him to try to keep up with the conversation.  Then, the guitarist looked at me and said, “He is a great drummer but not so fast thinker.”  I said, “Yeah, I got that.  You guys are great hosts.  Why don’t you hook up with ladies?”  “We’re still young.  Too young.  Much too young to settle down.  Maybe when, we’re 30, then we’ll be ready.”  “Don’t you think you can sample the merchandise before then?  You know.  Just to try it on.  Check it out to see if it fits.  You know what I mean?”  “You have some strange ideas, but I like them.  Come again and stay with us sometime.”  “I will.  I really had fun guys.”  Sometimes, I purposely avoided exercises in futility, by killing time with the members of the King Club band.

Facebooktwitterby feather
Facebooktwitterby feather