I had leave coming to me, so I decided to drive my Buick Wildcat from Fort Benning to North Dakota. My leave was scheduled to start on Saturday morning, so I signed out just after midnight on Friday. The car was already packed and ready to go. I had even planned the first song that I would play when I drove away from Fort Benning and across the bridge from Columbus to Phoenix city, Alabama, on my way to North Dakota. That song was ‘Slow Ride’ by Foghat because I figured it would be a long slow ride to North Dakota. By the time I hit Opelika, Alabama, it started to rain. And within a few minutes, it was raining cats and dogs. Every time a car or truck passed me going the other way, buckets of water were dumped on my windshield momentarily blinding me. I had to slow my rate of speed way down to compensate for the road conditions. By the time I got to Memphis, the rain had quit completely. Then, I was able to make much better time. I took Interstate 40 out of Memphis to gain time and didn’t head back north until I got well beyond Little Rock, Arkansas. In fact, I cruised into Oklahoma before I changed to route 351 headed north toward Tulsa, Oklahoma. I headed west out of Tulsa on route 412 toward Interstate 35. My plan was to take Interstate 35 all the way into Minneapolis-St. Paul then switch to Interstate 94 headed West to North Dakota. That was the plan. It was still dark, but the stars were out, the sky was clear, and I could see for days. I hadn’t been on Interstate 35 for more than about 10 or 15 minutes when I noticed a Highway Patrol vehicle parked in the median. I was doing at least 10 or 15 miles over the speed limit. I’m not exactly sure how much over the speed limit I was traveling. I just know I was speeding. In fact, I knew that I was moving very fast. Then, I noticed that patrol car slowly moving out of the median and turning in my direction. Definitely not a good sign. Just then, I passed a sign for gas, food, and restrooms ahead 1 mile. My Buick Wildcat had a 430 cubic inch high performance engine under the hood, so I did the first logical thing that came to my head. I floored it. I wasn’t about to be railroaded by some hick, donut eating cop out in the middle of the sticks. God only knew how much that ticket would cost if I allowed him to write it. But I sure as hell didn’t, so I wasn’t about to stop and find out. Oh, hell no. I figured that the exit a mile ahead would be a truck stop. I figured I might be able to hide among some trucks at that truck stop if I could get there in time. I was in luck. My big block Buick easily outran that patrol car. I took that exit and cruised into the parking lot. I immediately headed toward where the big rigs were parked. I rolled in between a couple of big rigs, and one of the drivers got out of his truck to take a look. I said to him, “Check it out man. I need to hide for a while. A highway patrol car is going to cruise into this parking lot in a second with its lights on. He’s going to be looking for a car. I don’t think he knows exactly what car he is looking for. He is just going to be looking for a car. So, I sort of need a place to hide. Is it okay to park my car here?” The trucker replied, “You know, I think that patrol car just pulled into the parking lot. Check it out. Yeah, I think your car will be fine here, and my buddy and I will make sure the cop doesn’t see it. Do you have some sort of hat to wear?” “Do you mean like a baseball hat?” “Yeah, exactly.” “Sure. Why?” “Well, that would kind of complete the look.” “Complete the look?” “Yeah. You know? You are already dressed like a truck driver. All you need is a hat to complete the look, especially if you walk over there toward the restaurant from over here, if you catch my drift.” “Oh. Gotcha. I get it now. Thanks a lot, man.” “Don’t mention it. Us drivers don’t like cops much either, so we gotta stick together. So where are you headed?” “North Dakota.” “Wow! That’s a long haul. Well, I reckon that cop will probably have a donut or two, maybe even a cup of coffee, when he doesn’t find you. So, he’ll probably be outta here in about 15 or 20 minutes. Then, you can be on about your way.” “I really appreciate that.” I walked over to the restaurant and walked in. The cop was looking around at the crowd inside the restaurant. So, I walked up to him and said, “Excuse me sir.” The patrolman replied, “What can I do for you?” “I was wondering if you happen to know of a big rig repair shop around here?” “No. I think you either have to go back toward Tulsa, or you have to go up to Wichita to find anybody reliable. Say, I have a question. You didn’t happen to see a car pull into the parking lot within the last 10 minutes or, so did you?” “You know, I can’t say that I did. But I was trying to fix my rig. You understand. I wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on around me.” “Yeah. I’m afraid this sneaky sonofabitch got away from me.” “If you don’t mind me asking, officer, exactly what in the hell did this guy do?” “Oh, the sneaky sonofabitch was doing 20 miles an hour over the speed limit when I clocked him on the radar. Then, when I pulled out in pursuit, the sorry bastard floored it and outran me.” “You don’t say. That ain’t right. He was a sonofabitch, alright. Tell you what, let me buy you a cup of coffee. It’s the least I can do. Maybe I can get you a donut too? What do you say?” “That is very neighborly of you. I think I’ll take you up on that offer. Can I get the donut too?” “Absolutely. Just name your poison.” “I’m partial to the ones with chocolate frosting on them.” “Outstanding. Oh, Miss, could I order? Yes, I’d like two cups of coffee and two donuts. For one of the donuts, make that with chocolate frosting and for the other one, make that with the Maple frosting. Sir, do you want anything in your coffee?” “No, I take mine black.” “Me too. Make that two black coffees. And you got the donut orders.” “Excuse me, could I get two donuts?” “So, you’d like two donuts with the chocolate frosting?” “Yes please.” “My pleasure.” “So, if you don’t mind my asking, why are you doing this?” “Well, you see it’s like this officer, we both have a job to do. You have to patrol the roads, and I have to haul goods over long distances. A lot of people don’t appreciate what we do. So, I figure we have to appreciate each other.” “You know, your mama raised you right.” “Thank you, officer. Oh, here comes one of my buddies.” Just then, the trucker that helped me hide my car walked into the restaurant. He walked over to where I was sitting with the patrolman and said, “Hello officer. So, I think I got your rig fixed. You should be good to go.” I replied, “Thanks a lot man. Would you like to join us?” The patrolman said, “Hey fellas, I have to head out. Thanks for the donuts and coffee.” I replied, “It was my pleasure. I’m just sorry you didn’t catch the bastard. Better luck next time.” After the patrolman left, the trucker looked at me and asked, “What the hell was that all about?” I replied, “I decided to mess with him a little bit. He was drooling so much over the donuts in the display case, I just had to screw with him. You know, I asked him who he was looking for, and he told me. After he told me his hard luck story, I offered to buy him coffee and donuts. You know. Just to sort of mess with him even more. Do you know that he called me a bastard and a sonofabitch? Go figure.” “Yeah. It just goes to show you. You just can’t trust anybody. Your worst enemy could be sitting at the table with you sharing donuts and coffee. What in the hell is this world coming to?” “Yeah. I don’t know man. I just don’t know. Anyway, is there anything I can get you before I head out?” “No. I thoroughly enjoyed the show. That was something, walking in here and seeing you sitting here feeding that cop donuts. That was one helluva show. That was one for the record books.” Then, we both burst out laughing our asses off. Reminiscing the trucker and I foiled another exercise in futility.
by 
by 