If you have been reading some of my recent posts, you are probably aware that I have been talking about some of my exploits and experiences after being assigned to the Joint Interoperability Test Center (JITC) at Fort Huachuca, Arizona. My story today centers around a subject that virtually every automobile driver deals with at one point or another during their driving career. A traffic accident. No. I didn’t have a traffic accident, and I am happy to say that my wife didn’t have a traffic accident. Since none of my children were driving yet, neither of them had a traffic accident (thank goodness). Oh, there will be a story on that subject at a later date (a traffic accident involving one of my children) but not right at this moment. Okay, if we aren’t talking about anybody in my immediate family, who are we talking about? That is the question. Well, not to give everything away right away, I can tell you that it has something to do with someone I work with. Does that help narrow it down? No? Okay. First, let me give you the back story. Cuz the back story will give the whole shebang away. I guarantee it or double your money back. What’s that? You didn’t pay anything? Well, I guess you won’t be getting any money back then. Oh well. Just sit right back and let me give you the back story. One day, I arrived at work just to have my NCOIC rush into my office bursting and bubbling with news. For those of you with very short memories, my NCOIC is Marine Master Sergeant Hammond. Anyway, he rushed into my office eager to spill some exciting news. He had just purchased a new car. A brand-new car. An Infinity car. He had bought a G-series sedan, which was really just a high end Nissan Primera. When he first bought that Infinity, he spent way too much money and didn’t get a very good deal on his trade. I had advised him to go to Tucson to check the car dealers there for trade-in values and new car prices before making a purchase. But, of course, he ignored my advice. Cuz what does a dumb Army Captain know about these sorts of things? Well, comparatively speaking, I had gone to three different Jeep dealerships, one in Sierra Vista and two in Tucson, before I purchased my Jeep. You have to remember that this was back before the dawn of the Internet. You couldn’t just haggle prices and comparison shop over the Internet. You actually had to go out and put some boots on the ground. You couldn’t just go to one dealership and settle on their price. You couldn’t assume that they were giving you the best deal. To be sure, they were giving you the best deal for them but not necessarily for you. Cuz at the end of the day, the sales guy at the car dealership makes a commission on the amount of profit upon which he sells a car. As a result, it is in his best interest to give you the worst possible deal that he can, not the best possible deal. Cuz if you settle for the worst possible deal, he makes a boatload of cash. However, if you haggle for a better deal, that boatload of cash becomes much smaller. The stack of cash that originally could fill a twenty-foot boat now only fills a ten-foot rowboat. And the harder you haggle, the smaller that boat gets. Pretty soon, that stack of cash could wind up only filling an eight-foot canoe, or worse yet, a kayak. Now, that salesperson is wondering how in the hell the kids are going to get fed. That’s right. You’re putting that salesperson on the corner of Poor Street and Homeless Avenue. But that’s not your problem. That’s why you go to the big city to buy a car. The sales guy in the big city doesn’t have to rely on selling one or two cars for big bucks that fill that twenty-foot boat. Oh hell no. In the big city, the sales guy can sell four or five or ten cars for less money that fills a ten-foot boat. Now, that sales guy can live on the corner of Easy Street and Cheap Avenue in a house that he can afford with the commissions that he’s making. It’s a win-win for everybody. But, of course, my NCOIC didn’t listen to me. Much worse, he didn’t listen to his wife. No sirree. She was adamant that he not buy a car at all. So, what did he do? He bought the damn car. And he didn’t buy just any car. He bought a new car. A brand-new car. An Infinity car. He had that car for all of about a week before he wrecked it. He didn’t total it, but he wrecked it. It was a Friday night and it was raining. He didn’t yield the right-of-way to an oncoming car. He executed a left turn and hit the oncoming car. The damage to the oncoming car was minor. He asked me to take a look at it. I looked at the damage and said that I could fix it, if he bought the parts. He ordered the parts for the other person’s vehicle and we took care of that first. The damage to the Infinity was much more substantial. He started pricing the parts and quickly realized how expensive it would be to repair the Infinity. I told him to price parts for the comparable Nissan because the Nissan parts would be much less expensive. He still had to spread the car parts purchases out over three months. As a result, it took quite a while for us to put his new car back in commission. I think his wife made him sleep in the doghouse for a very long time over that escapade. Cuz let me tell you, she was furious. Other than spending a multitude of nights and weekends working on that Infinity, I suffered no exercises in futility.
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